Bad Memories
by Perphkt
Summary: Raven has to reveal her dark past to her friends when bits of it show up in Jump and it starts affecting her. Warning gore, rape and cutting At least. COMPLETE
1. Prolog

**Bad Memories**

**Chapter 1:(Prologe) The Battle**

**WARNING: **This story contains scenes of :gore, rape, melistation, torture and probably some cutting.

I in no way condone such violent acts (accept cutting...that I understand).

If you find any of the above mentioned topics offencive **_Do Not Read_**.

If you ignore this warning, read and are deeply emotionally scarred it's your own damn fault.

If I recieve flames from people who were to stupid to read this warning, I will post there names on the next chapter where we can all laugh at them:)

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Teen Titans'

**Authors Note:**This is not on the topic of my fic but did anyone else notice that in the episode where Cyborg builds the T-Car that Raven says she puts a bit of her soul into a object when she uses her magic and her dark energy blasts...since all her magic is black does that mean her soul is black too...? Just wondering...

It started out like any other call.

"Titans, go!"Robin yelled authoritativly, as the others swooped into attack the robber, who was wearing nothing more than a bandana over the lower half of his face and gogles to conceal his identity.

He was apperently very fast and a very skilled fighter, though his vision was obviously compermised by the gogles, all this became rather apparent after all the titans attacked him, he easily dodged Raven's black energy, Starfire's starbolts and Cyborg's sonic canon, he held his ground when Beastboy charged him as a rino, the man just grabed BB's head and flipped him over and threw him at least 30 feet, he was also very strong, now it was Robin's turn, he let loose a flurry of punches and kicks, and the masked man blocked everyone of them. The battle heated up as the titans attacked furriously, the man simply dodged the attacks, flipping and jumping around. It became apparent that the gogles blurred his vision when he took a defencive stance to a SUV the same shade green as Beastboy.

After a flurry of punches from Robin were nerrowly dodged by the man, who's skill seemed to be slpping by the second, he jumped onto a car some 20 feet away from the titans, and removed his gogles, his eye's were nothing special, the titans couldn't even make out what color they were at this distance.

He scanned the titans trying to match the fighting type's from the colored blurs to each of them, when his eyes landed on Raven... if they couldn't see his eyes before... they could now!

His eyes grew to the size of saucers before he removed his bandana.

"You" He said obviously very surprised to see her, all eyes turned to Raven, who looked as confused as every one else.

Suddenly her eyes filled with hate, Raven couldn't understand it, she couldn't remember who this man was, but just from seeing his face her hate was consuming her. Hate satcurating her being, it took over every fiber of her. She felt sick with hate. And just as he was starting to look familiar.

It was gone.

All was black.

Darkness surrounded her, it was all she had known for so long.

Raven was naked, curled in the fetal position in the corner of a very cold, very small, very dark room.

The darkness was so absolute it seemed to swallow any light that dared try to give her hope...she was crying, crying for an end to this hell, for any semblence of hope, of light, for _any_ thing but the darkness and pain.

Then it was gone, she was back with the titans... but she was no longer flying, she was on the ground, and she saw no sign of the other titans, or the robber.

Raven turned her head slowly around, there they were, thank god they hadn't left her...but something was off, they looked like they had been beaten pretty badly, Robin's left eye was sweling shut, he was also holding his left arm in a way that all but said it was broken, Cyborg's right arm was completely destroyed and his left leg looked to be on the verge of breaking, Beastboy had a nasty diagonal gash across the entire lenth of his torso, which he was holding as if his internal organs would fall out, which from the look of it, they might, and Starfire was on the ground, her left leg obviously broken, her right wrist was also broken and she looked like she was on the verge of passing out, how did this happen? the stangest thing was that they all looked horrified, absolute terror showed through on all of there faces, but what scarred her the most... all the terror seemed to be pointed toward her... why were her friends afraid of her?

She made a fist absentmindedly, when she felt a warm slick substance on her hand, she looked down.

Blood.

Her hands, both of them were completely covered in blood.

It was now that she looked down to see the body laying at her feet.

She almost let out a gasp...almost.

The robber was laying at her feet, dead, he had several holes about the size of saucers in his chest, where blood still oozed from, his arms were violently ripped off leaving broken pieces of bone in there wake, one of the bloody ends of the arm was visibly worse than the other, it was then that she noticed his face, if that's what you could call a face, it had been beaten so badly it no longer looked remotly human.

"No" Raven said in only a whisper "I couldn't have done all this "Still not but a whisper.

Already visions of what probably happened played in her head.

Hate had consumed her body, she could already see herself transforming again, four glowing red eyes, giant towering form, black tendrals slithering from under her cloak, and a voice as inhuman as she looked.

The looks she was getting from the other titans and the body at her feet only added more proof, but if she couldn't even remember doing it, that means rage was gaining ground in her head.

Just then she felt a pain in the back of her neck, her hand immediatly went up to the site of the pain, she grabbed the object and brought it into view, it was one of Robins Tranqulizer darts, she turned to see Robin standing six feet away with his tranq gun extended, his teeth gritted, one thought passed through Ravens mind before she passed out into nothingness.

That thought was the realization that Robin's teeth were clenched, not because it hurt him to knock her out, but because he was so disgusted with her, needless to say her sleep would be full of bad dreams.

Full of blood and betrayel.

Authors Note: Well that was the prologe, don't worry the other chapters will be written better than this, and darker.So Read and Review PLEASE, the next chapter is already written, the more reviews I get the faster I'll update.


	2. Cold Concrete

**Bad Memories**

**Chapter 2: Cold Concrete**

Yay, reviews!

**wylkin:**Since he/she will not be reading this I won't bother thanking him/her here, instead I will explain his/her review to those of you who read it and said 'What the..." when I first posted the first chapter I couldn't find it anywhere, at first I just thought it was taking a few hour to post itself, so I wanted to at least see if it showed up on my profile...and I couldn't find it, my profile that is, I'm not kidding, search for my pen name and I promise you won't find it, so I freaked and asked wylkin to do me a favor and search for it and review just so I was sure other people could see it, so thats what up with that review, for those of you who care.

**shadow-the-beast:**Yay, my first **real** review, thanks for the complements, sorry for not fully discribing what he was wearing, hope you like this chapter:)

**RavenKitten:**First off, thanks for the review, and it only gets sadder...Second off, I love the quote, lastly, what does 'Onegai' mean:P

**Lost1n7heDark:**It depends on what part confused you...but yea, for parts it was supposed to provoke questions it you that I would answer little by little, and don't worry I take my time with the next few chapters, the last one was just a prolog remember...And thanks for the review..

**Dark Celtic Blade:**Here you go, hope you can wait for the next one.

**BlackDove682:**Well I said I would update faster the more reviews I got and your number 6, but here you go, thabks for the reviewJ

Authors Note:Please if you like my fic please review, even if it's only "Cool story, I liked it. Update soon" Just so I know people like it so I wont get discouraged and stop writing. Sorry if any of the scene changes confused you last time, the damn site took away all my underscores I used to seperate scene's, but I've fixed that, I use 6 cause, ya know 666, 'sign of the beast' oooooooo are you scared lol, well injoy:)

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"Well, is it worth it?"A gruff unshaven man wearing jeans and a tucked in blue button up shirt asked a young frightened naked Raven in the small, cold room, the door was open so it was no longer dark.

The light was not flattering to Raven

She was dirty, covered in filth and sweat. She was pale as if she had never seen the sun. She was naked huddled in the corner with her knees pulled to her chest in a futile attempt to hide her nudity, but you could still see her body, she was skinny, she was obviously not eating much, her rib cage was remarkivly visible, and her breasts looked small simply because of her age. She looked tierd, more tierd than any nine year old girl should, she had bags under her eyes, but her eyes... they were vacant, completely dead.

"Well?"The man asked again holding out a hand with an apple in it, Raven's mouth watered at the sight of it, she licked her lips and nodded. The man smiled, stood up unzipped his pants, pulled out his erect penis and pointed it directly at Raven's face, she leaned forward, closed her eyes, and parted her lips.

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Gasp Raven's eyes went wide as she shot up.

She was no longer in the small cold room, instead she was in a padded white room, like you would see in a mental hospital, it didn't have any any furniture, not even a bed, the light came from a lighting cannope that was eight feet from the actual ceiling, bars stoped anyone from getting near it.

Raven recognised this room immediatly, it was the maximum security holding cell in the titans tower. It took a few moments for the prievious days occurances to register in her memory.

'Damn, I accidently kill one robber and they turn on me, from the looks of things they were being beaten pretty badly by him, I probably saved there live's, and they turn on me'Raven thought bitterly, she had always known one day her powers would completely go out of control and she would kill some one, but she always thought her friends would stick by her, help her through the tough time's in her life, even if she didn't wan't there help ... 'Just the niave fantasy of a pathetic girl' Raven though even more bitterly. It was now that she realised she was still wearing her uniform, though the blood had been washed off, it looked like they did it with a damp rag cause there were still bloody streaks on her hands.

If this had been a normal holding cell she would have already escaped, but she knew the defences on this room, she had after all helped build it.

It had no way of opening it from the inside, no doorknob of any kind was inside, it was made of the stongest metal in the world, two solid feet thick of it, making it absolutly impossibly to break down the walls or the door, it was also magic proof, this is what was stoping her from leaving, they brought in a preist from The Vatican to sanctify the room making magic, 'The Devil's Art' as he had said, impossible in the room, she had disliked the man, he kept thowing her suspicious looks. Plus there were no secret panels to enter a secret code to help the the titans escape if they were ever traped in here, offically this was so it had no weaknessess, but all the titans knew why there really weren't any overide code's, because if any of the titans ever went evil, this was the only place in the city that could contain them.

"And now I'm here...guess that means I went evil"Raven said aloud without realising it.

"Yes, it does"Robin's voice sounded from the lighting system above the room, that's where they put all the survialance equipment, so they could talk and watch whoever was in the room without having to risk going in, it also had a screen that they could turn on if they wanted a face to face conversation, the screen was however off at the moment, this angered Raven, they threw her in this cell and they didn't even have the respect for her enough to talk through a computer screen.

"You don't even have the desency to turn on the screen?" Raven asked, somehow still able to keep her flat lifeless monotone, despite the anger and betrayal that was threatening to take over her. The screen came on, she could see all the titans in the security room

They were still pretty banged up, Robin had a black eye, at least it wasn't swelling shut any more, his arm was in a cast, and she knew how much he hated casts, Cyborg's left leg and right arm were those strange metal skeleton stuff, he was obviously waiting for replacement parts, Beastboy was only wearing the bottom half of his costume, he had bandages wraped around his entire torso, and Starfire's left boot was off, her entire leg from ankle to mid-theigh was covered in a white paste, she wore one of her sandle's on her foot, the same paste covered her right wrist, Raven took some time to marvel at the how strange Starfire looked, with miss matched shoes, and what looked like yogurt, but was more likely some of her home planets medicine coating her entire left leg and her right wrist. All the titans shared the same facial expression...loathing, they hated her, this was an especially frightning thing coming from Starfire, because at one time or another she had seen it from the others before.

"Well, comfertable?"Robin asked in a voice that let her know he wished for her to be anything but.

"Sure, you mind telling me why I'm here?"Raven asked, though she knew what he was going to say, his excuse for tuning his back on a team member, it would be something like 'You killed someone Raven' or 'Just because he was a criminal doesn't mean his lfe was forfit, he was still human' or

"You're dangerous" Robin said in a 'well duh' type voice, he looked very surprised that she would ask such a stupid question.

"Is that the thanks I get for saving your lives?"Raven asked still maintaining her monotone.

All the titans looked surprised, so surprised it covered up the hate, but the hate returned, though some of the confusion stayed.

"SAVED?"Robin shouted into the screen"YOU ATTACKED US!"

Needless to say, Raven was more than a little confused.

"What are you talking about?"Raven asked, all anger and betrayal lost in confusion and uncertinty.

"My hate took over and I killed the robber who was beating you to a pulp...right"

Her voice wavering for the first time today.

"Hate...?"Robin asked VERY confused

Now was the time for the return of anger"YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS ME! DID THE FOUR GLOWING RED EYE'S, TWELVE FOOT TALL CLOAK, BLACK TENDRALS, AND DEMONIC VOICE NOT TIP YOU OFF!"

When Raven was done she was out of breath, and leaned over slightly to try to catch it, she felt like she had just run a marithon, because she was hunched over she couldn't see there reactions but she head Robin's voice.

"But none of that happened..."He said in a soft voice

Raven's head shot up"What?"

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The titans were all looking at Raven, the man they were all fighting had just stared right at her and said "You"

'Does she know him?'Robin thought, from the expresion on her face she was just as confused as the rest of them...but she also looked to be holding back something, like she was struggling to not do somthing, her body was tense, then it went slack in the air, she had either decided to do it, whatever it is, or not.

Apperently the thing she had been trying to stop was a smirk, cause that's what she did.

Raven was smirking as she lowered herself to the ground.

"I remember you"She said in a voice that couldn't be more different than her usual monotone, it was sweet and innocent, kind of like Starfire, she was still smirking as she started walking toward him.

"Really...?"He said jumping off the car"Than why are you coming over here?"He asked as she stoped two feet away.

Raven looked at the crook for a moment, then a huge smile broke out across her face, for a moment she looked almost normal, the titans thought, then she reached her left hand up and grabed his right shoulder"Because"She said drawing back her right fist "I want my revenge" Her voice seemed almost sickly sweet as she rammed her fist threw his chest, and I do mean 'Through' it came out bloody on the other side.

The titans were almost as stunned as the criminal, especially when she withdrew her fist and rammed it though him again, and again, and agian. When she finally stoped punching him her right arm was covered in blood all the way up to just above the elbow, surpisingly when she removed her hand from his shoulder he didn't fall, he just smiled at her and said."I may be human but it's gonna take more then that to kill me"He said with a smirk.

Raven just chuckled and said "I know, I just wanted you to suffer"With that she grabbed both his wrists, jumped up so her feet were dug in his chest, befor the awkward position could tip them over she pulled hard enough on the arms to violently rip them off, she backflipped off him pushing him to land on his ass, and her to land gracefully on her feet with one of his arm's in each hand.

Finally the shock of what Raven was doing wore off"Titans stop her!"Robin shouted, that seemed to snap every one out of there trance and they rushed her.

Seeing the titans coming Raven directed her attention to them and dropped the arms, which had covered her one clean hand in blood.

Starfire got there first "Friend, I do not wish to harm you"She said in a pleading voice.

Raven ducked as Star flew at her and grabed her left leg when she was directly over top, this surprised Star not just for how fast her hand grabbed her but also by the streagth, she did not know Raven was so strong, her thoughts were cut short by Raven

"You may not want to fight, but I could use the fun"And with that Raven tightened her grip on Star's leg untill she heard a snap, Starfire's eyes went wide and she bit her bottom lip so hard it bleed to stop her from screeming, she also fell to the feet of a smirking Raven.

Star, making a last ditch effort to reach her friend held up a hand asking for help"Please...Raven...friend... I requiror help..."She had tears in her eyes from pain, both mental and physical. "You want help"Raven asked in a sincerley sweet voice, Star, believing she had reached her friend, smiled and nodded, Raven reached over and grabbed Starfires outstreched wrist "How about some advise"She said tightning her grip, untill she heard the familiar sound of bones snapping like twigs.Starfires eyes went wide again as her head and hand fell to the cold concrete. "Stay down" Raven said smirking

Raven turned around just in time to jump out of the way to avoid Cyborgs punch"Don't make me hurt you Rea..."He said extending his right arm and switching it to his sonic canon. "I'm not forcing you to do anything Cy"Raven said landing perfectly on a fire hydrant "You always have a choice, and I suggest you run, then again don't, like I told Starfire, I could use the fun"What disturbed Cyborg the most about Raven now wasn't the fact that she was covered in blood, or that she just pulled the arms of a guy and broke Star's leg and wrist, it was her personality, this was what he had been trying to get her to act like all along...ya know, without the fighting, he had always wanted her to call him 'Cy' to speak in anything other then that dead monotone voice, to try to have 'fun', to act more casually, more human, well she was doing all this now, and he was wishing with all his might for her to change back.

"Sorry Rea" He said solemnly firing his sonic canon. Raven didn't run, didn't jump, she just covered her right hand in black energy and held it completely vertical, the blast hit her hand and split off in two pieces, missing her on both side by a couple of inches, much to Cyborgs dismay that wasn't the end of it, as soon as the blast was clear she held both arms out sideways and again had her hands vertical and covered in dark energy, suddenly the two halfs of his blast were black and coming straight at him, they were faster under Raven's control, he didn't have enough time to dodge them, one hit his left leg, the other more powerful half hit his right arm, his leg crumpled and his arm was destroyed as he too fell on the cold concrete.

Raven looked up to see Robin being droped by Beastboy, who was coming around for an attack himself. Raven easily evaded Robin's first strike with his bo staff by back flipping out of the way, he jumped to propel himself at her and made his second strike, this time Raven caught it, Robin was definetly surprised "You souldn't under estimate me, I've always been stonger and faster than I look"Raven twisted her arm trying to get the staff from him but Robin held on with both hands and all his might, and even though Raven was only using one hand, the stress finally was to much and the staff broke, the half Robin was holding came back and hit him extrordanairly hard in the face, right around his eye, while Robin sank to the road clutching his face, Raven jumped at Beastboy who was charging at her in the form of an elephant, Raven landed right infront of him and let her self fall on her back, Beastboy didn't see where she jumped to so he ran to help Robin, unforunatly that meant Raven would pass right between his legs, as soon as he was over her she stabbed the brokrn end of her half of the bo staff into Beastboy's chest and dragged it diagonally across his chest as he stampeaded over her, as soon as he cleared her he morphed back into human form and fell on the cold concrete.

"You should have paid more attention"Raven said with a laugh

Raven tuned to the last titan(besides her) standing, Robin who, dispite his eye being half swollen shut looked mighty deturmined, he rushed her, 'Bad move'Raven thought as she sidesteped him and grabed his left arm as she stuck out her leg to trip him, he landed flat on his face, only aggrivating his eye, she placed a foot on his back and twisted his arm, she was greeted with many of her favorite noises, gunting in pain, bone poping, then snapping, and muffled cry's, then a crack as his head hit the cold concrete.

Now with the titans out of the way, Raven could finally return to her intended prey, the robber (AN:Bet you forgot all about him)who, despite his injuries was still alive and writhing in pain. She walked over and picked up one of his severed arms, she looked behind her to see the titans, pulling themselfs up very slowly, trying to regroup, she smiled "Let them"

Raven walked over to the man who's eye's went wide with horror when he saw her.

"What did you think they could possibly stop me from my revenge?"She said, still with a smirk on her face.She brought back the hand that held his arm and bought it down across his face, once, twice, five times, ten times, untill his screem's of pain stoped. Satasfied that her work was done, she droped the arm and looked out at the horizon, that's when the Raven we all know and love showed up again.

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"No way!"Raven said in disbelief "I wouldn't do that"

Robin smirked "That's what we thought, why do you think it took so long for us to react, it was shock"

'If I didn't change then it wasn't hate that took over, what emotion besides hate would be powerful enough to not only take me over completely, but make me forget entirely?'Raven was so absorbed in thought she didn't notice the titans conversing amogst themselfs.

The titans turned back to the screen "We're not really sure if we should believe you or not"Robin siad, getting Ravens attention "We want to, but after what happened... we're going to keep you in here for observation for awile, to make sure your not playing us"

Anger surged through Raven 'There not letting me out!' She was able to contain it"I understand" Raven said in a defeated voice "You have to be cautios"

Robin smiled, obviously glad he wasn't going to have to fight with her over this

"It will most likley only be a couple of days...ok?"

"Sure"

Authors Note:Two chapter's done, god knows how many chapters to go, I'm goona try to get this whole story out before summer vacation, I'm going on a trip so I will probaly not even have time to post the already written chapters, much less write new one's.So Read and Review PLEASE, the next chapter is already written, the more reviews I get the faster I'll update, and the faster I update the more likley that you won't have to wait till the beggining of next school year to see the ending.


	3. Alcohol, Part I

**Bad Memories**

**Chapter 3: Alcohol, Part I**

This chapter is dedicated to an endangered species, The Reviewer (Hint, Hint) This is in recognition of the few survivors of this noble and near extinct breed of Homosapiense.

I mean only two?

**Lost1n7heDark:**My first (Somewhat) loyal reviewer, yay! Thanks for the review. I can only hope that you continue to read and review...and that you meant interesting as in 'good' not as in 'It's bad but I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling here'.:)

**BlackDave682:**Yay, another review from the blackdove. Another (Somewhat) loyal reviewer, yay. I'm glad you don't want to wait till next school year...'cause I sure don't:)

Authors Note:Unfortunatly not a whole hell of alot happens in this begining of this chapter, but it is important, so try to enjoy it. I also thought this would be a good time to explain that my original idea that started this story was "I should make a really dark an d depressing story about Raven's past" And I ended up with this...so what do you think so far? Remember to review:)

Authors note P.S.: Quick little note, I'm going with the titans from the TV show, so they don't swear, drink, smoke or handle any other crimes rather than theft... so despite going up against super villians, the titans minus Raven are pretty sheltered.

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"Welcome back to the real world"Robin said as he opened the door, to finally let Raven out of her cell.

"A couple of days?"She asked with a slightly angry tinge to her voice."It's been almost two weeks" Raven said this as if she didn't know why it really took so long. They said it was just making sure that she really had control over herself, the truth was they had been sure she was fine for over a week, they just needed more time to let Cyborg's part's come in and for Starfire's white past medicine to heal all there other wounds (The other titans all switched to it after the second day). They wanted to be in tip-top shape when she was released, in case she lost control again, she couldn't blame them, she had severly hurt them all, nothing would ever be the same between them, but still the fact that they lied made her angry enough that she was having to meditate a lot more and she was on the edge of losing control, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let her out, it felt like any little thing might set her off, then again they would probably be so afraid of her she might be ok.

"Sorry it took so long friend Raven but we had to be sure"Star said in her normal cheery voice, this surprised her, sure Star was forgiving but two weeks ago she had broken her leg and wrist and she talked as if nothing had changed.

"Yea, dude, didn't want you going all crazy on us again"Beastboy said his voice and demeanor also the exact same as before.

"Don't call me 'Dude'"Raven said automaticly with a scowl.

Beastboy shunk down in terror...but no more so than he usually did.

"Well, looks like everything is back to normal" Cyborg said with a laugh "I'm making waffle's"

Raven smiled inwardly, she would never of guessed they would forgive and forget so quickely, things might stay the same between them after all.

"Well before waffle's, I need a shower, a change of clothes and a cup of herbal tea"Raven said, for the first time in her memory she felt completely content, all traces of anger and fear disapearing from her mind.

"Everything really is back to normal"Robin said smiling at Raven

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"I'm sorry"

"What?"Robin asked, the titans were all in main room now, later that same day.

"I just realised I never apoligized for what I did...so, I'm sorry"Raven said, her usual monotone finally had returned.

"That's ok, you didn't have control over your self, though I would like to understand what happened"Robin said sitting down at the counter."Did you know that man?"

Raven had been dreading this, she had felt Robin holding back the question's all the titans had been wanting answered, since she had explained that she did not attack them willfully, this was the perfect time to ask them though."I don't know"Raven said truthfully "He was just starting to look familiar when..." Raven looked around at her friend's waiting face's 'I'm still nowhere close to being ready to tell them, they don't need to know'Raven thought sadly'My past would only depresse them, besides it's way to personal'

"...when every thing went black"She said at last.

"You don't remember anything?"Robin asked, concern on his face.

Raven could have laughed when she realised he was concerned for her, the trauma of almost killing her friends didn't even register in her top 10 traumas.

"Nothing"She said simply

Robin hesitated then asked in a concerened voice "How are _you_ doing?"

She was really holding back the urge to laugh now"Fine"

Robin looked at her suspiciously for a moment, then nodded.

'She was holding something back then...I bet this has upset her more than she's let on...this has been traumatic for us, but she has to be feeling pretty helpless about now, she totaly lost control of her body, she has to of been fearing this for awile. Why won't she tell the truth and ask for help' Robin thought studying the gothic girl in front of him.

"Well if your sure" He said as she started on her tea.

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"Why do you always struggle?"A tall thin man dressed all in black said as he undressed, laying his long jacket out on the cold concrete. Raven just starred at the man with contept in her lifeless eyes, pulling her knees up tighter to her chest, trying to make her self as small as possible "It's not like your father feed's you anywhere near close enough for you to even struggle a little against me, your just tiering yourself out"He looked at her and smirked "I heard you gave some guy a blow job in exchange for an apple awile ago..."He said, his smirk growing. At mention of this Raven looked down in shame, bile rising to her mouth.

The man, now fully undressed, reached over and grabbed one of Raven's arms that were wrapped around her knees, and pulled her over to the jacket he placed on the floor, she struggled, but as he had said it was futile.

He pinned her arms out above her head and pinned her legs with one of his, Raven looked away, knowing what was about to happen, how could she not, it had happened multiple times a day ever since her sixth birthday, when her father turned on her.

The man starred down at the naked sprawled out body of this nine year old girl he controled. He glared at the scars that covered her body, everything accept her legs, they were for some reason untouched, though they were far too thin and pale, they looked like they belonged to a dead girl. But the rest of her body was covered in cuts and burns, she cringed under his gaze

"You never have told me who's doing this to you"The man stated simply as he positioned himself for the act.

Raven closed her eye's and tensed up as the sickening pain started for the third time that day.

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Raven opened her eye's calmly to the darkness of her room, she used to hate the darkness, like in those memories, but now...she found it comferting...she wasn't sure how that worked, there were alot of things about her brain she didn't understand. Like why ever since her friends let her out of her cell she had been having nightmare's of her childhood, she was used to it by now though, it after all has been happening for a month.

She had also received a slight phobea...of light. Raven had never hated light, she just prefered the dark, but now...It was getting worse too. The day after she was released, she noticed half way through the day that she was avoiding light...it seemed everytime she was in the light for more than a couple of minutes she felt slightly scarred, and it only got worse, she also felt drained of the miniscule amounts of energy she had, by now it was so bad she wasn't going outside very often during the day, which she didn't before, but now she only left the tower if there was a villian...and the last two times she contemplated faking an illness to get out of it.

This she at least had a theory about, she had been forced to stay in that room, that unbelievibly brite room, the whole time she was sure her friends hated her, fear had all but controlled her more then once, she had not been so close to loosing control for such an extended period of time before, that could have caused it, theoreticaly.

Raven sat up in her bed, her black bed, and checked the clock, 11:30am, Raven stared at the clock for a moment as if trying to convince it that it was wrong. Raven had never been a big morning person, she got up when she felt like it, it just so happened that that was usually somewhere around 9 or 10. And here it was now 11:31 and Raven couldn't think of anything she wanted more than to sleep for another three hours, maybe this had some thing to do with the dreams, she thought. This was another thing that had changed since she had been let out, her sleeping habits had become somewhat more, Beastboyish. Raven sighed as she let her body fall to her nice comfy black bed.

Just as she could feel herself drifting in to the sweet darkness called sleep, Raven heard a knock on the door as Beastboy's voice shook her from her sleep "Raven, are you alright in there? It's pretty late and you haven't come out yet, it's almost lunch...we're a bit worried" Well that's the last straw, when Beastboy the 'King' of sleeping in, is worried about your sleeping habits, your in trouble. Raven summoned all her streagth (Which wasn't much) and draged herself, still half-asleep, to the door, she opened it up to see Beastboy standing before her, when he fully took in the sight of her half-asleep and still groggy, his eye's went wide "Raven?"He said in disbeleif, his eye's wide"Are you all right?"

Raven took awile to understand why he was so worried, she was wearing only her pajama's, black silk two piece that fit her nicely...usualy, the top few buttuns were undone on the top so it was hanging of her, revealing her shoulder, that plus the fazed glossed over look in her eye's and on her face, and the way she was hanging onto the doorway to her room for dear life, like it took all her streagth not to fall over, which it did. The whole affect must have made her look hungover and half dead, she wasn't hung over, though she had been drinking a bit more since her release. Raven had been drinking brandy since she 'escaped' from her father, not much, a quarter glass a day, just enough to dull the pain, she had kept it at a quarter glass a day for three years, maybe a small glass of scotch every once in a while, she never increased the amount, though she had needed more since she had been released by the titans. She was up to a glass and a half a day, on a good day now, but she never really got 'drunk' so she was never hungover, though she was considering if that was true now, she was sleeping later and avoiding the sun, could it just be the alcohol?(AN:No it isn't, but it will seem that way to the titans who don't know about her drinking yet)

"What do you want?" Raven asked impatiently, she just wanted to go back to her comfy black bed.

"It's almost noon and we were worried...are you alright?"Beastboy asked looking sincerly worried about her well being, she didn't have time to quelle his fears.

"I'm fine, I'm just tierd..."Raven replied, her annoyance seeping into her voice slightly.

Beastboy looked even more concered "When do you think you'll be ready to join the world of the living" Beastboy said plastering a gigantic grin on his face, obviously trying to lighten the mood...and failing.

"Give me three hours"Raven said, on the verge of doseing off as she spoke.

Beastboy was obviously skocked that it would take so long but just nodded and left.

Raven closed the door, she rested her head on the closed door, breathing deeply trying to siche herself up for the twenty foot walk to her bed, her body felt completely numb.

She turned and made her way to her bed, it looked so far away now, she didn't make it two feet before all was black.

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He was back.

The kid, he didn't look to be much older than her, maybe 13 years old, tops.

He was shy, he kept trying to look in on her without her noticing him. The problem was that the door blocked all light from entering her cell, so when he opened the small slot they shoveled the little food they gave her through, to peek in on her naked body, she noticed.

He obviously wanted her, so him being shy was the only reason he would have for not rushing in and forcing himself inside her. It's not like any man, or boy, with any sence of decency would be on this god forsaken island.

She was afraid of him... as stupid as this may sound she was terrified every time he peeked in. One man who had looked pretty harmless, had done the same thing, Raven had even fantasiced that he was going to rescue her, it gave her hope for the first time in as long as she could remember, and so when one day he finally entered her cell, she was overjoyed, that was untill he pinned her to the ground and pulled out a large hunting knife, it wasn't untill the innocent looking man started draging the blade over her ab's, that she realised he was just like all the other's, evil, the look on his face was one of pure joy, he looked as if watching her squirm and bleed underneath his suddenly towering figure, gave him some sadistic joy. He also started to undress, to reveale that the sight of her in pain and the sight of her blood actually aroused him...

He had done that every day for a month, covering her ab's, side's, and even her breasts in a maze of scars, even worse were the scars he left on her insides, both mentaly and physicaly...he was rough. So naturally she was frightened when some 'innocent' looking kid was watching her.

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Raven woke, it took a moment to realise she was on the floor and moment more to remember why. She pulled herself up off the black carpet and tryed her best not to remember her dream, ofcourse that only made her remember it more vividly... it was when a face looked familiar that she started paying attention on purpose, the man she recalled in her memory/nightmare, the man that cut and raped her for a month then disapeared...he was the robber, the one she had killed, suddenly some more pieces of the puzzle were added. Ofcourse she would lose control seeing him, especially in front of her friends, who knew nothing of her past. It also answered why she was suddenly having more flashback nightmares, though it didn't explaine everything, her sudden need to drink more, she didn't increase the amount in the time when her memories were still fresh, so why after seeing someone who reminded her of it would she start drinking more,and then there was her sleeping habit's the nightmare's had to have something to do with her always being tierd, but she had had bout's of nightmare's before, they had never affected her like this before. And the most important question after 'who he was' still needed to be answered, 'What emotion besides hate has the power to take over my body and mind so completly?'

The troubling thoughts were messing with her emotions, normaly she would meditate, but this was to much for meditation to help.

'Time for Plan B'Raven thought as she walked at a hurried pace over to her bed side table, and opened the drawer, she reached in and grabbed her salvation, in the form of a razor blabe she took out of one of her disposible leg razors.

She walked over to her bed, sat down, and took off her pajama tops.

This revealed her naked upper body to be covered in cuts and burns, most including all on her torso were slightly faded, as were some on her arms...though there were still many fresh wounds on her arms, these were inflicted by her self, and she was about to add more.

Raven brought the small thin blade to the outside of her forarm, her skin tingled in aticipation, the moment she started to drag the blade across her skin she felt her emotions release, this was the only way she could release her emotions without blowing something up. She stared down at the cut on her arm as it grew longer and widened as the blood started to pour out of the cut and drip on her pajama bottem's, she just stared, the sight of her blood calmed her down.

And she needed it now more then ever.

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Authors Note: Sorry if that isn't a good place to stop, at first this chapter continued on for almost eight more page's, but I thought splitting it in to two sections would be good, problem was there was no good place to split it...this was the best place I could find without re-writing bits of the story. I thought splitting it up would help the reader (Cause it's not so damn long, I mean 14 pages! I've never scene more than 11 in a chapter) and I would get more reviews...speaking of which...REVIEW...I obviously have the next chapter written so same deal as before, the more reviews I get the faster I update.

It's time for a little history on everybody's favorite author(I hope)Raven's Darkness.

WARNING: This is extremely boring and borders on a rant.

When I first joined a couple of years ago I was really into Dragon Ball Z, they were the only fic's I even looked at, I even wrote one called 'The Meeting'...a lame title for an equally lame fic...it wasn't very good and I never finish it(I lost my cable, and without the show I was short on inspiration)As you'll see if you look at my profile it is no longer there, I took it down, if I had left it up you would see that even though it had only four chapters of crap writting, it had 29 reviews...(Get where this is going?) So naturaly I'm disipointed that the fic I **know** is a hundred time's better written is getting less reviews. I, to a certain degree, understand why...this is a M rated fic and is very dark...only a small number of people even look at fic's like this, and aparently even fewer review...I know most people don't change the paramiter rating of K to T and therefor don't even see the summery. So I emplore you to PLEASE review, not only is there that trip I have during summer vacation that means I won't be able to update untill next school year if I don't get it out before...but I started a new fic a Terra/Raven yuri fic called 'First Love Lost' (I suck at title's)It start's out kinda' dark (NO where near as dark as this)but it will lighten up very soon, if you like yuri's or Terra/Raven pairing's or Raven/Any girl pairing's check it out. Any way it's competing for my limited writing time, which ever get's the most review's will get the most attention.


	4. Alcohol, Part II

**Bad Memories**

**Chapter 4:Alcohol, Part II**

**BlackDove682:**Yea, your right, she is, like I said my whole idea for this fic was' A really depressing fic about Raven's past' and what is more depressing then a young girl being beaten, tortured and raped every day. Anyway, thanks for the review, to bad not many other people are doing it (The only reason I'm posting this chapter so soon is, like I mentioned, this is actually the second half of the last chapter)I hope you enjoy it, I look forward to hearing from you again:)

**Lost1n7heDark:**Here's your update...though I was contmplating waiting awile...it would be entertaining to see you try to 'spork' my eye's out:)You'de probably just end up hitting my nose...:) Any way, thanks for the review, I hope to hear from you again.

Authors Note:Well here is the second part of chapter 3, you'll notice I call it chapter 4, I wanted to keep it in line with the numbers in the chapter select.

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"Well where is she?"Cyborg asked, as Beastboy entered the room.

"Yes, why has friend Raven not retured with you"Starfire added in a worried voice.

"She said said she was tierd, she's gone back to sleep...for another three hours"Beastboy said slightly distracted voice

"Three hours!...that means it's going to be almost three by the time she gets out of bed"Robin said in disbeliefe, then noticing how Beastboy was acting "What's wrong?" he said turning his attention back to the changling.

"...she looked pretty bad..."Beastboy said worry in his voice and on his face. "...she's paler then usual, I didn't know that was possible"He said in disbeliefe "She also looked pretty sick...and like she was on the verge of passing out...she looked hungover, to tell you the truth, really hungover"

This shocked the group, did any of the titans drink? They had never made any tower rules to say not to, but only Cyborg was old enough to drink legally...so..."That's impossible Beastboy..."Robin said confidence in his voice"Raven's to responsible to drink...beside's she not old enough to any way..."

"I know..."Beastboy said now looking down at the floor"...but she looked pretty out of it...and sleeping 'till three...Idon't even do that"

"I admit Its strange...but Raven doesn't drink...it would be against the law, and being a titan doesn't put you above the law, she knows that"Robin believed every word as they came out of his mouth, Beastboy on the other hand looked scepticle so he added "If your that worried we can ask her what's wrong when she get's up...OK" This was enough for beastboy, he nodded in agreement.

"Now about lunch, I'm thinking tofu..."Beastboy said the magic words to start a fight with Cyborg.

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Raven was finally making her way to the main room, it was now 3:20pm.

She got up right when she said she would, but it took forever to change and get ready, and the glasses of scotch she was drinking while doing all that just slowed her down, but she finally did it, and now she was at the main room.

As soon as the door opened the other titans stoped there conversation.

"Are you ok Raven?"Robin asked wide eyed, he was certinly surprised by her appearance

'Beastboy really was telling the truth, she looks really hungover...'

Despite the fact that she was wearing her normal cloak and leotard, she looked far from normal, she had her hood down so they could see how tierd she looked, she always had bags under her eyes but now they were visible even from where they sat.

Cyborg's first thought was that she looked like the timid version of her self in her mind.

One thing was for sure, Beastboy was right, she did look hungover.

"I'm fine...I've just been having trouble sleeping, that's all"Raven replied in a tierd voice.

"Are you sure that's all?"Robin asked somewhat scepticly. Now that he saw her...she at least had to be sick, cause no healthy person could look this way, she looked half-dead, more so than usual. "You don't look well..."At this she scoweled

"What's that supposed to mean!"Raven scoweled, she didn't know why but the question's were severly annoying her, worse than that, the flourecent light's were giving her a headache which aggrivating her nausea.

"Nothing, we're just worried...is there anything we can do to help?"Robin said backpeddling a bit.

'What am I thinking? There's no way Raven would drink, she not even old enough, and she's more responsible than that'Robin though, trying to convince himself.

"Well...you could dim the lights, I have a headache, and some aspirin would be nice" The rest of titans faces dropped at this comment "And I think I'll be laying down on the couch"She added, bringing her hands up to her head and held it as if she had a huge headache, which she did.

The titans looked at each other sadly, it was looking more and more like Beastboy was right. Taking into accout her appearance, behavior, sleeping habits and the headache, Robin could barely beleave it, he didn't want to beleave it...but it made sence, she had a traumatic experance it's concivable that she started drinking alcohol...it just didn't seem like her.

Raven grabbed the aspirin that Starfire had gotten her from the first aid kit on top of the fridge, and downed it dry. By now Cyborg had turned down the lights and Raven was making her way over to the couch.

In truth Raven was not really tired, she just felt so sick that she wanted to go to sleep just to avoid vomiting what little was still it her stomach.

Raven noticed as she lay down that the rest of the titans were talking in whispers in the kitchen

'What's going on, I don't look as bad as they're making it seem...do I? And what are they talking about...?'Raven was to out of it to try to listen in, or even to care a great deal about what they were saying, untill she opened her eyes and saw all her friends standing above her with worry and determination on all there faces,

"What?"Raven was in no mood to talk.

"Is there anything you want to talk to us about?"Robin said as though he was telling her more than asking.

"No"Raven said simply, she was now slightly worried 'What are they trying to get out of me?' For a moment she even feared that they some how knew of her nightmares, though she quickly pushed that out of her head 'How would they? I'm the telepath, not them'

"We were just wondering about your illness"Starfire said in a soft symathetic voice.

"A headache and nausea does not count as an illness, just an annoyance"Raven said closing her eyes to try to aleveyate her pounding head.

It took a moment to realise that the titans were not moving, Raven reluctantly opened her eyes "Problem?"She asked more annoyed

"I would like to know what is causing your 'annoyance' of an illness"Robin asked impatiantly

"I'll let you know when I do"Raven said closing her eyes, hoping they would take the hint and leave...they didn't.

"We have a theory..."Robin said, Raven kept her eyes closed"Really..."She said sounding half asleep.

"Well considering your symptoms, the headache brought on by a sencitivity to light, the nausea...I'm assuming thats why your laying down"Raven gave a halfhearted nod 'yes' and Robin continued "Your sleeping late and staying up later...that with the fact that this all happened after a traumatic experiance..."Robin trailed off knowing that by now Raven would know what he was implying. She did.

Raven's eyes opened and she sat up slowly "What are you saying?"She said anger showing on her face, though her voice stayed monotone and dead.

"You know what we're implying...well, is it true"Robin asked hoping he was wrong.

Raven said each word slowly, letting the titans know it would take awhile for her to forgive them."No..I am NOT..an alcoholic"She said it threw gritted teeth, when she finished she stood and tryed to walk out, but she was stoped by Cyborg "What!"Raven said wishing she had stayed in her nice dark room.

"Sorry Raven but..."He held out a strange object with a tube at the end."What is this?"

Raven asked as the titans moved to beside Cyborg

"The only way your leaving this room is if you take a breathalizer..."

Raven's eye's went wide with fear, she had downed a couple glass's of scotch before she came out, she wasn't an alcoholic, though she was slowly turning into one...but her friends would take this to mean that she was already...and what would she tell them? The lie of being an alaholic would be beter than the truth of her past. Raven was now wishing with all her heart she had stayed in her room this morning, she could of said she was meditating...to late now.

Raven quickly tryed to think of the best way to avoide the test, but the only one's she could come up with were things like teleporting back to her room...but her friends would force her to take the test later, plus they wouldn't trust her any more, or fighting them, but that was just stupid...besides they were only trying to help her, they couldn't know the stress of this was ripping her apart inside, Raven already realised she would be cutting tonight even if she some how wormed her way out of this, which was lookind unlikely.

The titans were looking impatient as Raven tryed to think of any excuse she could have for have alcohol on her breath...none, well none they would be stupid enough to believe, the best course of action seemed to be a last ditch effort to worm out of it, if that didn't work she would have to trivialise her dependancy on alcohol, they would obviously search her room and find the bottles, the razor blades were safe though, she hid them in a book in her bedside table, they wouldn't search all her books, it would take to long...well time to try to worm out of this, first step 'Guilt'

"Do you really trust me so little"She asked calmly, this was a dangerous approach, cause if she went to far and it didn't work they would believe her less.

"It's not about trust, we just want to help you"Beastboy said, deffinatly shaky on the breathalizer matter, that was good, she could use that.

"Help me!"Raven responded puposley allowing her dead monotone to give into betrayal. "How? by making me feel untrust worthy?" From the look on Beastboys face it was working

"Maybe we should take her word..."Beastboy said to the others

"No Beastboy, she's not going anywhere without the breathalizer"This statement came from an unlikely source...Starfire, with this any hope Raven had of worming her way out of this faded from her mind, she knew Cyborg and Robin would be the hardest to guilt, but she had relied on Starfire and Beastboy giving in almost immedeatly, now that it was revealed that Starfire really wanted her to take this damn test...there was no way she would get out of this. Raven sighed heavily.

"Fine"Raven said in defeat opening her mouth.

The titans smiled, they were sure there was no way she would take the test if she would test positive.

Cyborg stuck the tube of the breathalizer into the gothic girls mouth and said "Ok, when I say now blow really hard into the tube ok?"He said feeling slightly akward, though no where near as much as Raven, who simply made a sound of confirmation.

He squeezed a button and said "Ok, now" with that Raven blew it to the tester, still thinking of any excuse she could use, still none came to mind.

A beeping sound came and Cyborg pulled the tester from Raven's mouth said"Good work Raven, thanks"and started waiting for the answer to appear on the small digital screen.

While he was waiting the other titans praised and thanked Raven for co-operating, all fully beleiving since she took it without a fight that it would be negitive. Raven was looking around sheepishly, she was embaressed from all the praise, she was also worried about how they would react when it showed positive.

Robin looked away from praising Raven to look up to Cyborg when the breathalizer beeped. Cyborg's face fell as he read the answer, he looked up to Robin and shook his head from side to side, while frowning, he held out the instrument to show Robin the big 0.097 on the screen, Robin frowned and turned to the group, the other titans stoped there praising of Raven to ask "Well, what's it say?"

Robin sighed and looked at Raven, who looked down in shame as Robin answered "It was 0.097..." Both Beastboy and Starfire looked at each other before asking "That's good right?"

Robin turned to face Starfire"No, the legal limit is 0.075"Raven consitrated all her attention on a spot on the floor as Robin talked "What is the 'legal limit' you speak of"Starfire asked slightly confused "It's the limit of alcohol a **legal adult **can have in his or her blood stream before being legally drunk...but since Raven is only 16 she can't have any alcohol in her blood stream, she's illegally drunk right now... and she lied"

Raven was still looking at the ground not meeting anyone's eyes, but she could feel there gaze on her.

"How much did you drink this morning before you came out to meet us"Cyborg asked

Raven felt shame burn it's way through her, she thought the best thing now would be to answer everything she could "Not much..."She said still looking at the floor, she senced that that wouldn't satisfy them so she said the rest "Only a couple glass's of scotch..." She tryed to keep her voice low enough that they wouldn't hear her, but they did.

"**Only?** Do you know how much alcohol is in scotch?"Robin asked, his voice rising

"14 normaly but mine's harder, it's 25"Raven said without thinking, only realising to late her mistake.

When she didn't get a reprimand, Raven looked up to see Robin and Cyborg staring at her in disbelief, she couldn't see the other two but she assumed they had the same face.

"I thought you were smarter than this Raven..."Robin said looking tierd, this only caused her to shift her eye's downward in shame again "Its not that bad...I don't **need** it or anything..."Raven felt she had to say this, to try to get them to understand.

"That's what all alcolics say..."Cyborg said in a cold voice, Raven was angered, they weren't going to let her of with a warning.

"I'm not an alcoholic!"She spat, Raven felt a need not to let her friends think all her problems were caused by an addiction she had."They say that to..."Robin said, his voice as cold as Cyborg's.

"What are you going to do to me?"Raven said in defeat as she let her head lower and her shoulders sag.

"We're not going to do anything **to** you Raven, we just want to help you, but first you have to help yourself"Robin's voice was much softer now as he spoke "You have to admit you have a problem..."

Raven just looked away, there was no way she was going to admit to being something she wasn't. Robin just sighed deeply and focused his attention on Beastboy and Starfire "Can you two help me and Cyborg check Raven's room for alcohol?"He asked, they nodded and Raven froze, she was fearing this.

Raven imeadiatly went through a checklist of all the thing's she didn't want them to find and wieghed the chances of them finding them, it was bad enough they were going to invade her privacy and take all her drinks, but if they found her bloody razor blades...Raven didn't want to think of what hell she would go through then.

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She hated this, watching her friends going through her stuff.

They hadn't even bothered asking her where it was, they knew she wouldn't tell them anything, not that that was stoping them from looking...

They had already found her stash of scotch (She kept it seperate from the brandy) in a custom made suitcase, all six bottles looked very tempting as she saw the surprised looks on all there faces when they saw how much she had, the case must have also thown them off. It cost her a pretty penny too, it looked like a normal suitcase on the outside, but when you opened it up... it had a beautifle wood finish that looked like a desk, it had custom slots for four bottles, two on each side of a small surface to rest glasses on, in the top there were two more bottles strapped into the center of the top, on eather side of them were a pair of glasses. She had gotten a great deal of disaproving looks when she asked them to at least hold on to one peticular bottle of scotch "It's old, it's worth alot of money.." She had said to them "It's sixty years old..."Cyborg had said looking at the lable "I have car parts that are older than that"

"That stuff goes for thirty dollars a shot in any bar in town"Raven had rebutted"It just seems like a waste of money..." It had worked, Cyborg had put it in the vault after pouring all the other scotch down the drain, that made Raven mad, five bottles of good scotch down the drain.

"Anything else?"Starfire asked looking betrayed, Raven just ignored her, she had to use all of concentration to stop her self from forcefully removing the titans from her santcuary.

Her remaining stuff was her brandy, if they were surprised by the amount of scotch, they would be completely floored by the liquir cabenate, frankley Raven was suprised they hadn't already found it, it was pretty obvious, she used a cupboard in the middle of one of her bookcases for all her alcohol storing needs.

Speaking of which Beastboy was headed over there now, when he got to the bookcase he moved a couple of books around, then lazily opened the cupboard, he definatly did not expect to find what he did "Dude!"He said in complete disbeleife, this caught the attention of the other titans.

"Holy crap..."Was all Robin could say as they looked in on twenty or so bottles of brandy, some had fallen over on there sides, that mixed with the five glasses in the middle, one of which was still half full, gave way to a distinct look of a drunks little hideaway.

Robin grabed a bottle and walked over to Raven, anger all over his face, Raven shrunk back using the same tactic from her childhood trying to make her self smaller, it worked as well as it did before.

"There is no way you got all of these in the last month!"He said angerly waving the bottle at her "How long have you been a drunk!"Robin said sharply, so lost in the rage of betrayal he didn't acknowlage the words as they left his mouth "How long have you been lying to us?"

Raven didn't answer, she was using all the tools she used to deal with her childhood to deal with her friend now, that meant completely closing her self of so she couldn't be hurt.

Looking into Raven's cold, dead eyes as she just stood there being yelled at brought Robin back to his senses.

"Raven..."He said his tone soft and filled with sarrow for his friend "What triggard this, what was so bad that you had to turn to alcohol at such a young age?"

Raven's senses had returned, but she refused to answer his question "You've got it all, now can you leave me alone?"Raven asked in such a way hat the titans believed her and started to gather the brandy in box's, as they filed out.

Robin tryed not to make eye contact as he left, Beastboy gave her a pity look, which she hated, Starfire, the only one without a box, gently hugged her and said everything would be alright as long as they had each other. Cyborg, the last to leave said "We'll talk about how best to handle your...rehab, tomarrow...ok"Raven just noded and waited for him to leave.

As soon as the door closed Raven practicly sprinted to her bedside table, if she didn't have alcohol, she would have to cut alot more often.

Raven smiled to her self as she held the razor to the soft skin on her arm, the last thought to pass through her mind was that if the titans knew that this was her alterntive to alcohol...they would have left her the brandy, then Raven pulled the blade accros her arm and all thought was gone, and she felt, if only for a moment, free.

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Authors Note: Well what did you think, was it good? Did it suck? Let me know in a review, and as always, how many reviews I get will determine when I update:)


	5. We Will Help Her

**Bad Memories**

**Chapter 5:"We Will Help Her"**

**Lost1n7heDark:**It's nice to know I'm not the only crazy one...though it's no secret for me. You sound a bit like me, I don't drink...so I can't really understand that to well. But I'm a cutter, so I obviously understand more about that, although I did make Raven a much more serious cutter then I am. As for her friends...well they get a little side tracked from the whole "Drinking" thing as you'll see in this chapter...As always I thank you very much for your review, I always injoy reading them, I look forword to hearing from you again.:)

**BlackDove682:**Well I must say, you are not only my most loyal reviewer(Tied with Lost), but my most inthusiastic(Not sure if I spelt that right)You know they say one person can't make a difference...what about two? This chapter is dedicated to you and Lost, my most loyal reviewers:).I'm sorry to tell you that unfortunatly this chapter will not contain any new tid-bit's of Raven's past...but on the upside the next two chapters have **a lot** of her past...like the entire time she was held captive, so I think you'll injoy that. I as always await your response to this chapter. P.S. I got a review from a friend of yours too, I'm glad to see your recomending my fic. to others:)

**Adin-Darklighter:**Well, any friend of BlackDove is a friend of mine. I'm glad to see that I've got you so interested and that you think my fic is so good. I'm sorry to inform you that not a whole hell of a lot happeneds on the whole rehab. section...you'll see in this chapter they get a little distracted, but on the upside you will eventually get a whole lot of rehab...like a whole other story's worth (Hint, Hint) Anyway I hope you like this chapter enough to review a second time, I'm looking forward to it.(P.S.I was just wondering, when you say your 'With BlackDove682' are you two like friends or online friends or something? I don't mean to pry, and you obviously don't have to answer, I was just curious)

**HermioneGranger22491:**Wow another glowing review, at this rate my face will be in a constant state of blush (That doesn't mean stop though)Thanx for your complements, they mean a lot. I look forward to hearing from you again:)

Angel Caida:I shall fallow your order….(Mostly because I was going to anyway) Thanks for the review 

**Authors Note:**This chapter is dedicated to **Lost1n7heDark** and **BlackDove682 **the two people who have been reading (And reviewing) from the very begining, thank you, I hope you like this chapter:)

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Raven woke to find much to her amazment, she hadn't had one nightmare the entire night.

She formed a possible reason why when she tryed to lift her left hand and found resistance. Blood, her wrist and a part of her hand was actually stuck to the sheet with half-dryed sticky blood from her coping strategy the night before.

She could have laughed, who would have guessed all she would have to do to stop the nightmares was slash her arm up badly and fall asleep as the blood soaked into her beding.

She forced her arm up, the blood was sticking, it certinly wanted to stay, but she got it up. Raven studied her wrist for a moment, it looked odd, the blood had dryed in streams leading from the three deep long slashes in her arm on the other side of her wrist to the underside that had been laying on her sheets, she smirked

'Wow, I really out did my self this time'She thought then turned her attention to her sheets.

There was a rather large puddle of somewhat dried blood on her sheet.

'Oh well, I do my own laundry anyway...' Raven thought as she snuck a glance at her clock, 9:37am 'Wow, this really helped, it fixed my sleeping habits in one night...still, I miss the alcohol, it's familiar, I've been drinking for almost three years' With that thought Raven started to make her way to her bathroom to take a shower and clean her cuts. She let out a small smirk as a question crossed her mind. 'I wonder how the titans would react if they knew what there raid of my room caused me to do...'

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The titans were a little surprised when Raven walked in to the mainroom at a little past 10, but it also confirmed there belief that it was the alcohol that was making her sleep in later. She also wasn't as pale as she had been over the last month, she seemed well rested and, unless Robin was mistaken she had a small smirk on her face.'Since when does she have anything but that dead look on her face, she's looked like that ever since I've known her...wait has she been drinking since before she was a titan?No way...that would change things...'Robin thought.

Raven's smirk vanished as she saw her friends, they were all sitting at one end of the table in a very 'We've got a plan and we're going to tell you that's what you **have** to do in a very condesending tone'sort of way. Robin was of course at the head of the table with Cyborg to his left and Starfire to his right, Beastboy was one round down on table sitting on the same side as Starfire. They all looked over to her as they realized she had entered.

Raven decided to just ignore there obvious 'Come over here and sit down' looks, and make herself a cup of herbal tea.

"Raven, when your done making your tea come sit down here, ok"Robin's voice said from behind her, Raven nodded her head in agreement but decided to take her time making her tea, she put the tea kettle on the stove but turned the flame so low it would take 10 minutes for the water to boil. Raven kept herself busy grabbing her teabag and tea cup, she could already feel the aura of impatience radiating from behind her as she looked through the selection of tea's she had bought, she smirked slightly...

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'Finally...'Robin thought as Raven started heading to the table, tea in hand.

"That took longer then usual.."Cyborg observed

"A watched kettle never boils"Raven replied smiling inwardly as she took a seat where they obviously wanted her to, on the other side, the farthent seat from them 'They thought this through... they want to keep there distance from me...smart move.'Raven thought, she was impressed.

"We have discussed how we should deal with your...addiction..."Robin said in his 'Leader' voice

"And...?" Raven asked in her cold monotone, which masked her sudden fear 'What are they going to do to me?'

"You have two choices..."Robin said before turning to Cyborg who continued "First, choice, you can refuse our help and we get a court order to send you to a rehab. clinic..."Raven turned away, the titans had made many friends in the courts...they could easily get a court order, and if she escaped...she'd be out of the titans before you could say 'Pack your bags bitch' Cyborg turned to Starfire who was obviously going to give her the choice she was supposed to take "Or, you can stay here with your friends and we can help you through this tough time...we can help you get over your addiction friend Raven"She ended with a smile. Beastboy pipped in "But you have to be 100 honest with us, k?"

"So, what's it gonna be...?"Robin asked

"What choice do I have?...here I guess..."She said reluctantly

The titans looked pleased, though obviously discouraged by her reluctance, Star was the first to reach her, she gave Raven one of her bonecrussing hugs.

Raven was happy that Starfire was so relieved by her choice.

But she found her self in a great deal of pain suddenly, 'My arm!' Raven thought panicked as she could feel the wounds opening and start to bleed. "Starfire"Raven said weakly through gritted teeth."What? Oh, sorry..."Star replied sheepishly as she sat Raven down, Raven immediatly brought both arms under her cloak and held her injured arm, trying to keep the blood from leaking out.

'What's wrong with Raven?'Robin asked himself, she had a pained look on her face, so much so that he could see the other titans start to notice, apparently so did Raven, cause she quickly turned and started a swift retreat mumbling some thing about forgeting some thing in her room.

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"Dammit!"Raven swore as she pulled up her sleeve, she had waited intil she reached her bathroom to check, she didn't want to leave blood spots in her wake.

She cleaned the cuts that were stinging alot more then she had ever felt before, "What the hell is going on?"Raven spat angerly, she couldn't understand what was going, it didn't ever hurt this much, not even when she was cutting...especially not when she was cutting, she never felt that much pain when she was cutting, and what little pain she felt was covered up by the imeasurable amount of release that came with it.

But now...it was more pain then she had ever felt before, her arm felt like it had been severed completly, she was certainly lossing enough blood for that. Raven remembered enough of first aid to remember to apply pressure to the wound, unfortunatly that only made it hurt more, it hurt so much that Raven was actually contemplating breaking her number one rule and heal the wounds with her powers, not that it mattered she was to unfocused to do anything.

Finally the bleeding was stopping, Raven was preparing some bandaids for the cuts.

"This sucks..."Was all Raven could say "This is just screwing with me now...that was just to close to the titans finding out"Thinking of the titans brought other things into her mind, thoughts like 'Will I be able to stop drinking cold turkey?' and 'What will they do to try to help me? Its not like they have **any** experiance with this sort of thing at all...' and last was a thought that had been in the back of her mind for a long time 'What would the titans do if they found out what I do to myself...?'

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"Ok...that was freaky..."Beastboy said slowly as soon as Raven had left"What's up with her?"

"I don't know, but Raven doesn't want us to know"Robin said from his state of deep thought"I bet it's something important, and some thing bad...or else she wouldn't have left..."

"You don't think she has more booze in her room do ya...?"Cyborg asked, worry on his face.

"Friend Raven would not lie to us!"Starfire exclaimed

"She already did by saying she wasn't an alcoholic..."Beastboy said quietly

Starfire hung her head in defeat"She wouldn't..."She said weakly, trying to convince herself more than the others.

"If she is" Cyborg started "She wont tell us, the only way we'll ever find out is if we catch her...that's the only way we can help her..."He looked over to Robin as he finished.

Robin's eye's went wide "NO!"He said firmly

"Its the only way..."Cyborg said solemnley

"Dude, what it the world are you talking about?"Beastboy said confusion all over his face, Star had the same expression.

"The towers security system" Cyborg started "Has cameras everywhere"

Beastboy just looked at him "So, even I knew that, it wouldn't be much of a security system without them..."

"No"Cy started again "I mean **everywhere**, including the bedrooms..."He finished

Beastboys eye's went wide "WHAT, you've been spying on us?"

"No!"Robin said defencivly "They're just there in case of an emergency, and as a safety precaution you need the access code and occular scan from two titans to be able to view them...We have **never** ever used them"

"Still..."Beastboy said, his gaze droping "It doesn't feel right...and you want to spy on Raven!"He said bringing his gaze back to the other boys "What if we catch her naked huh, it's an invasion of privicy.."

"Does Raven seem like the type of girl who would prance around her room naked?"Robin said, finding it hard to keep a staight face as an image of a smiling naked Raven skipping happily around her room forced it's way into his mind.

Beastboy blushed and thought for a moment "What if she's just getting out of the shower...or she's changing or something?"

"Then don't look"Robin replied simply

Starfire voiced her opinion "Why I do not think it is an honerable thing to spy on some one, I must admit there is truth to Beastboy's statement that Raven will most likely lie to us again if we were to ask her if she continue's to consume 'the alcohol' "It looked as though it broke her heart to say this "Therefor I agree that we should use the camera in her room...but if it is revealed that we were wrong then we instantly tell friend Raven what we have done, and apologise"

The boys just looked at her surprised for a moment by her sudden insight, then they all nodded.

"Sure, when it's time to go to bed...that's probably when she would...so that's when we check, ok"Robin said, then added "But intil then we say nothing to Raven about the camera, ok?"

The others nodded as Raven entered the room looking refreshed.

"You ok Raven?"Robin asked in the interest of not arousing suspision.

"Fine...just fine"

"We'll start with your rehab. tomarrow"Robin said in a steady voice

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Raven walked out of her bathroom, she had just taken another shower and changed into her pajama's. It was bed time, the day had been uneventful, with the exception of Starfire's hug opening her wounds. She was glad they weren't starting her rehab. 'till tomarrow, she found that every time she got nervous she started rubing her arm, if she had to go through a full conversation about her 'problem', she would most likely open up her wounds, and that would be very bad.

She walked over to the side of her bed and opened her bedside table...unaware that her friends were watching.

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"See I told you!"Beastboy exclaimed as Raven walked into her room, her hair still wet from the shower.

"She changed in the bathroom, we aren't using that camera"Robin replied

"There are camera's in the bathroom's!"Beastboy looked apalled

Cyborg decided to redirect there vision from each other to the screen"She's headed over to her bed, I never did a good search of her bedside table, she could have hidden anything in there..."

The camera was in the top of a corner in the room, if as soon as you entered the room you turned to your right and looked up you would see a small hole in the wall, thats where it was. It had the perfect view, you could see everything in Raven's room except her bathroom and what was in the corner on the otherside of the door.

"She's grabbing something..."Robin observed

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Raven grabbed the razor blade from her book, the book it was hidden in was ironically called 'Cut' it was out of place in Raven's room, a book on a girl in a mental hospital in a room of ancient liturary masterpieces... but it was a good book and she liked the irony of keeping her razor blades in it.

Raven decided to do her other arm tonight, the cuts were still far to fresh on her other arm to add more.

She pulled up her right sleeve, and it the comfort of her dark room she brought the blade to her forearm.

Raven pushed the corner of the blade in as far as she thought she should, she didn't feel any pain or relief yet, but if she pushed to deep the cut might be to serious, she might sever muscle or tendons, or hit an artery, she would still continue but, the aftermath might be far more serious.

Raven started to drag the corner of the blade across her forearm, she was greeted by a slight stinging sensation, which was quickly pushed aside be a feeling of release, as if all her emotions banging on the edge of her mind, yelling and screeming to be heard, were released, Raven looked down at the cut, the skin had parted so easily, it wasn't even bleeding yet.

But she was to cautious, the cut wasn't deep enough, the feeling of release was quickly vanishing.

Panicked, Raven removed the blade and placed it two inches lower and pressed harder and deeper, Raven once again dragged the blade's corner across her arm and as the flesh parted, and the blood started to flow instantly, Raven was met by even more pain, but this was pushed aside as, once again an imeasurable amount of release consumed her being, it could only be discribed as paradise.

Raven dropped her blade on the floor as she slowly crawled into bed. It was hard to move when you felt like your soul had left your body, but slowly she pulled the blankets up to her neck, as her injured arm fell to the side.

And with that she was asleep, no nightmare's, no bad memories, just a peaceful sleep, that night Raven would be the only titan sleeping soundly.

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"I don't beleive it..."Robin said staring wide eyed at the screen

"Why?...why would Raven do such a terrible thing to herself?"Starfire asked in a state of panicked disbelief, she couln't even begin to understand what would drive her friend to do such a thing.

"I've heard of this...they call it 'cutting'"Cyborg said as he looked downward"It's a form of self-injury...it's a severe mental disorder..."(AN:It really isn't.)

Beastboy was, for once, speechless as he looked on in horror.

Raven brought the blade to her arm a second time, this time the cut was much deeper and blood started to flow immeadiatly.

Starfire cringed and shut her eyes as she fell to the floor, she pulled her legs to her chest and put her arms around them, she pulled in on her self wishing she could make it stop, stop whatever it was that made her friend do this to herself, the sight of the blood flowing freely from a self inflicted cut on her friends arm was forever etched it to her memory, she couldn't stop seeing it.

For Beastboy, he could almost taste the blood, he felt sick, he couldn't take it any more as he rushed out of the secrurity room and made a beeline for the main doors.

Leaving only a whimpering Starfire and the two other boys in the room.

For Cyborg this was awful, so many questions pushed there way into his mind, why did she do that, did it hurt, how **could** she do that to her self, was there anything he could have done to stop her, how long had she been doing it, the light made it hard to see in her room, her arm could be completey covered in scars and he wouldn't see them. What really drove him insane was the knowlage that Raven would, most likely, never answer any of his questions.

It was bad for all of them, but for Robin, it was hell, a reminder of his limitations as a leader, a member of his team is an alcoholic, and he didn't notice, ok, that's somewhat understandible, there underage so it's not like he could see her drinking one too many glasses of scotch at a party if she kept the fact that she drank hidden, she was apparently not drinking much untill recently, not to mention the fact that Raven had always been so secritive about herself that he never would have suspected, plus there was the fact that she was responsible and level headed, he had never told anyone else but if he had to leave he was going to leave Raven in command, not Cyborg. But if she had been hurting herself for any lenth of time... dammit he should have noticed **that, **for godsake she was slashing her arms to the point that she probaly needed stitches and he didn't notice... some leader he turned out to be.

"Call Beastboy"Robin said to a surprised Cyborg

"Man I think he just needed some air.."Cyborg said in a softer voice than he had used before

"Call him and tell him to meet us in the main room...we have to have a meeting to decide what to do"He waved his hand at the screen on which Raven was crawling into bed looking sleepy, but satisfied "about this..."Cyborg nodded and brought up his arm to call Beastboy as Robin kneeled down next to Starfire "Are you Ok?"He asked looking at the frightened girl.

"I just don't understand"Starfire started as more tears fell down her cheeks, in a very shaky voice that didn't sound anything like her usual cheery confident one "Why? how...?"Starfire brought her hands up to her head as if she had a terrible headache and started to shake her head from side to side violently, so much so that she lost her balance and started to fall over, but Robin caught her "Listen" He started in an understanding voice "I don't understand a whole lot about this either, all I know is that some people use it to help deal with some stuff, I don't pretend to understand how causing pain to your self would help, but some people, including Raven apparently, think it does...what we need to do now is help our friend find a better way to deal with her problems"Robin wished that he could help Raven, but he really knew nothing about what would cause her to do this, or how to help.

"But we will help her"He said as much to himself as to Starfire as he helped her up and they headed to the main room to decide **how** to help there friend.

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Authors Note:Well that's that...the next chapter will have Raven recounting her past to her friends, that is the climax of this story after all (It's not going to be a long story, maybe seven or eight chapters) This will be where the story gets really heavy, and I'm warning you now that all the stuff from the warning in chapter one, as well as some incest, will be in full swing so if you are really affected negitivly by that stuff, don't read.

So same deal as before, the next chapter is done, and the more reviews I get the faster I update.:)


	6. They Will Never Fade

**Bad Memories**

**Chapter 6:They Will Never Fade**

**BlackDove682:**Wow...that does make me really happy. I almost didn't believe it...then I checked your profile...you actually went through all the trouble of joining just to review...Screw immitation **that** is the sincerest form of flattery:) I only joined to take advantage of the favorites list, I was having a lot of trouble finding (and even remembering) all the fics I was reading, now with the e-mail alerts I havin't even looked at my fav. list for awile...cause I just get the e-mails. Anyway I hope you like this chapter, it is after all the first half of the climax...it's continued on in the next chapter. Well as always it was nice hearing from you and I hope you read, enjoy and review as always:)

**Angel Caida:**It's nice to see that the endangered spieces known as the 'Repeat Reviewer' isn't entirerly extinct:) To answer your question, yes they are confronting her, and well... let's just say the aftermath continues on to the next chapter. So here is your update, you can sleep easy now:)Hope to hear from you again.

**Sternum:**To tell you the truth it caught me off gaurd too. At first I didn't even think to have her drink...but in the third ch. when she realizes she lookes half dead and hungover, well I wrote that line, and I'm always trying to make Raven act more like an adult then any of the other titan's , so I decided, just as a whim, to have her drink...and to my surprise it solved a lot of the problems I was worried were going to stump me. Like what do I do to fill in time untill the titans find out about the cutting, and why I always knew they were going to find out through a secret camera...I was worried that I couldn't make up a belevible reason for them to violate her trust. So as you can see, it filled in a lot of the hole's in my story, I think my story would have only been half as good without it.

**Chibi Lauryn:**Thanx for the complements, and yes they will find out...although not all of it...I, after all have to save some meterial for the sequel:)

**nightwingluver:**It's good to know my original idea of making a 'Really dark depresing and dramatic(My three fav. 'D' words) story, is coming true:)

**DarkChild5:**Thanx...here you go.

**Poisyn:**Wow my longest review ever. I'm glad you like my story so much(It would really suck if my longest review ever was a flame)It's a good thing you don't cut, I do and I can't stop unfortunatly:( But on the upside I'm not suicidal (Usualy...) I'm glad your not one of those people that try's to make there friend stop cutting before there ready...that **never** ends well. And your review actualy saved me from putting **another** authors note at the beggining of this story, cause I saw an issue of a magazine that had the TT's on the cover (It was on the TT's card game)but they had mini profile's on all the charaters and under Starfire they mentioned the whole slavery thing...which I had never even heard of before...so I was going to ask, and now I don't have to:) It also helps to know more about the other titans past, that will deffinetly help me more in other stories.By the way can you give me some more detail on the whole 'Starfire in slavery' thing, it has me interested...

And just a stupid side question...some one sometime back at the end of a chapter made an off handed remark that"If seeing Starfire naked offends you then never read a Teen Titans comic book, the artists were always drawing her naked..." now I can't imagine a comic book featuring tten's made in the 80's would contain nudity...but it's been bugging me so...since you've seen them you can finally put my suspitions to rest.

And your right about the whole light in the tunnal thing...unfortunatly in this fic that light turns out to be the headlights of an on coming semi...but don't worry, the sequel will end on a high note...well, somewhat high.

**ashley:**Here you go!

**MyGildedCage:**I'm glad to see that my story is interesting enough to bring in people from other genre's:) And thanx you for your complements P.S.: If you know of any Harry Potter fic's where Hermione cut's please tell me either there names or id numbers, thanx:)

Adin-Darklighter:Sorry for misunderstanding…it was a words thing. Thanks for your, again review. I hope you continue to enjoy my story 

**Kataphraktoi887:**Thanks, that was what I was going for….so here's your update already

**Graciously Taken: **Thanx for your complements. I'm sorry that your foks found out (I can't imagine what I would do if that happened to me) Here's the next chapter, hope to hear from you again.

**Queenie-97:**Better late then never I always say. 

**katherine ():**Thank you, I try

**HermioneGranger22491:**Glad you liked it so much. Here's your update

To bad Lost1n7heDark didn't review...I think she's in Korea though, at least that's what she said in her story...so I'll forgive her if she give's me a final opinion when she returns:)

And no one has yet to answer if I was right about the whole dark soul comment I made at the beggining of Chapter 1...you know how Raven said her magic uses a part of her soul and since everything to do with her magic is black, does that mean that her soul is black? (The full question is at the beggining of chapter one)

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Author's Note:That's it! I'm changing my Pen name back. Let me explain. When I first put out the first chapter of this story I looked for it a few hour's after...and I couldn't find it...no big deal, I didn't expect to find it **that **soon...but I wanted to see if it was on my profile...like the one you guy's can look at by clicking on my user name. So I went to the search engine and set it to 'Pen Name' and typed in my user name...and it couldn't find it...I tried a half-a-dozen less specific search's and determined that my pen name..was no where to be found! So that freaked me out (I explained some of this in the second chapter)So I changed my name to the first thing I could think of...and I still couldn't find it. So if I can't see my pen name in either way I gonna' change it back to 'Raven D. Naobi' (Because 'Raven's Darkness' is just lame and uninspired)just after I post this chapter. Just a head's up for you.

Second off, what the hell is with the new system? I even get e-mail chapter alerts when **I** update. And I have to go through a lot more bull shit to post chapter's now. I'll probably get used to it eventually...but for now it's a pain in the ass!

Oh, and one more thing, since this fic deals with Raven cutting...among other things...I suppose I sould say that if you cut or know some one who does, there's a great web site called incase this damn website takes it out...there **is** a dash between self and injury) this is a great site for cutters or the family and friends of one. They have an art gallery...with some **very** graphic artwork, a short story section...it's mostly filled with suicide fics, but most are writen very well. And most importantly it has a forum and a chat area, the one down side is that to join you have to be approved by the system administrator, I don't think any one's ever been turned down, but it just means that you probaly will have to wait a week before you are approved. My user name there is Raven D. Naobi (What my pen name here will be soon) send me a PM if you join...though I warn you, I don't go to that site as much as I would like...its a privacy thing...don't want my parents to walk in and see "Self Injury. A Struggle" on the PC screen, so it might take a very long time for me to respond.

Anyway, on with the show.

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Raven walked into the main room once again refreshed, her theory about cutting helping her sleep was correct, and she had one of her best night sleeps ever. She quickly moved in and started to make her herbal tea.

"Raven?"She recognized the voice as her 'fearless leader'.

"What is it Robin?"Raven asked as she turned to see her friend's sitting at the table in the same places they were yesterday. "Oh, yea...my rehab..."Raven didn't even care a little about what they made her do, because of the cutting, and the lack of the dreams screwing with her head, she felt happier, clearer, and more relaxed then she ever had.And all it took was doing something she did anyway...only more so.

"Actually, that's secondary..."He responded, trying not to tip her off as to what he was going confront her on.

Raven furowed her brow in confusion "And just what could be so important as to over ride helping me with my 'problem'?"

"Something new has come to our attention, another problem you have been keeping from us..."The other titans looked very sadened after Robin said this.

Raven's face would have faltered if she were normal, worry would have covered her face, but being her, and in the best place mentaly she had ever been, she just said "Great another insignificant thing you think is ruining my life..."

"This isn't insignificant"Cyborg said defencivly

Raven still kept her cool and reponded "Well...?"

"We were worried..."Robin started "So we used the security camera's to watch you..."

Raven intentionally let a small amount of anger show on her face 'They were spying on me?' Raven quickly retraced her steps to remember if they would see anything incriminating on the camera's in the main room or the hallways, nothing, she had been extra careful.'So what could they be talking about?'

"You were spying on me?"Raven said, still with some anger on her face.

"Yea, and were all glad we were.."Beastboy said sternly

"What is that supposed mean?"It was just a question, Raven was sure she didn't do anything suspicious...so what could they possible mean?

"We witnessed a...strangeness on the camera..."Starfire looked down in sarrow after saying this.

"I didn't do anything wierd..."Raven said defencivly "Not in the hall, or the main room"

"We aren't talking about the camera's in the main room...or the hall..."Robin started "We used one of the secret camera's...the one in your bedroom..."

This time the emotions that appeared on her face were not intentional. Fear, anger surprise...all clearly evident on her face.

"My bedroom?"Raven asked in disbelief, her voice was only a whisper, but the other titans heard her.

"We saw you cutting yourself pretty badly last night..."Cyborg said simply, in the gentelist voice he could.

Raven fell to her knees, surprising the titans enough that they all raced over to help her, completely disregarding there previous plan to keep there distance.

"What, give's you, the right?"Raven's voice was shaking with anger"To use a hidden camera to secretly watch me in **my** room, and then lecture **me **about **anything**?"

"Raven, we are truly sorry for invading your privacy"Starfire started "But...what you did to your self..."She couldn't finish, luckely Raven was happy to do that for her "is **my** buisiness...you have **no** right to teel me what to do with my body..."

"Raven you have a problem..."Robin said trying to defend Starfire from the seething anger in Raven's voice

"Just because you think it's a problem, doesn't make it one"Raven's voice was still the angryest they had ever heard it, though she still couldn't find the strength to lift herself off the floor.

"If it's not a problem why haven't you told us?"Robin asked, he had a scowle on his face, while he had anticipated resistance...that didn't mean he welcomed it.

"I'm not the most out going person in the world if you havin't noticed!"Raven's face was rapidly turning from anger and hate, to sarrow and hurt, and tears were starting to appear in her eye's.

"Friend..."Starfire was going to finally ask what she had been wondering since last night "Why? Why would you hurt yourself?"Her voice was full of pain and pleading

Raven opened her mouth, wether it was to tell Starfire to shut up and leave her alone or explaine why, will forever remain a mystery, for as soon as she opened her mouth, she calapsed.

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The creepy kid was back again. Though Raven no longer thought of him as just 'the creepy kid' She had learned alot about him from some of the men.You see some wanted to converse with her after they were done, just small talk, she had no idea why, but she didn't care, not anymore at least, at first it made her feel even more violated, if that was possible, these men didn't even think of her as enough of a human to feel emotions like hate and resentment toward them. But now, she used it to her advantage, not only could she get information from the men, but some started to do margenally nice things, bringing her small amounts of food, or something like that.

But by far the biggest advantage was the information she had recieved on the kid, his name was Samiel, and he was her half-brother. Apperantly her father, the bastard, had a lot of women, and while he was not that fertile he did have children every once and awile. And this kid had the destict pleasure of growing up in the U.S. and now that he lived here he was treated like she used to be, like royalty.

Until her sixth birthday her father treated her like a princess, which she kinda' was. Her father was after all the king of this island.Apparantly the only thing Samiel was not allowed to do was rape her. And this was obviously eating away at him, cause for awile he had been obsessing over her, she would definetly have to deal with this, somehow...

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"What's wrong with her?"Said a voice in the distance, who was it, Raven didn't know, or care, all she cared about was pushing the piano off her head. This proved difficult since she couldn't move her arm's

"Wait, I think I saw her move!"Said another voice...it was Starfire, she could only tell because her voice was so destict...and her head was less fuzzy now.

"Raven, can you hear me?"That was deffinetly Robin.

Raven tried to say she could, but it only came out as a moan. She finally had the streagth to open her eye's. She was immediatly blinded, when her eye's finally adjusted, she realised she was back in the containment cell.

"Are you all right?"Cyborg asked

"What am I doing here?"Was the first thing she asked, it worried her, could she have attacked the titans again?

"We had to restrain you, this was the only place to do it..."Robin answered motioning around the room

"Restrain...why?"Raven asked as she stuggled against the leather straps that bound her hands and feet.

"Here let me help you"Starfire said as she walked over and began to undo the straps. As soon as she was done Raven sat up rubbing her wrists.

"We had to restrain you"Robin started"Because when you passed out you started thrashing and screeming...your powers were out of control too..."

Raven's eye's widened, "What?"

"We had to move you here to stop you from blowing up the tower"Beastboy said in a surprisingly somber voice, now that she looked around the room, all the titans looked absolutly devestated.

"Raven...you said somethings while you were passed out...do you have any idea what I'm talking about?"Robin asked, he had a worried expression on his face 'Oh, shit! What did I say? I had a dream of my past...I could have said anything...'

"I have no idea what you are talking about"Raven said falling back on her ever present option of strict denial.

"You said'It's you fault daddy, you let them touch me'"Raven's eye's went wide, she remembered this, it was just after her fathers betrayal. Raven's head droped, tears fell down her cheeks, as silent sobs racked her body, in here her magic didn't work, it was turned inward, so she could feel all the emotion she wanted to...if she was willing to deal with the unbarable phyical pain.

"Raven..."Beastboy started"That didn't mean what we thought it did...did it?"

Raven's silent sobs were silent no more, they echoed off the walls making them sound louder then they were. The titans had no idea how to handle this, normaly they would try to comfort someone...but nothing was normal about Raven crying. Starfire was ofcaurse the one to comfort Raven. She sat down beside her and gave her a comorting hug.

"Friend...what happened...?"Starfire asked in a softer voice than usual

Raven straightened herself slightly and stoped crying, though her face was no where near her usual lifeless, indifferent expresion, instead her face covered in fear, hatred and shame.

"You wouldn't want to know..."Raven said in only a whisper.

"Yes we do..."Robin said firmly

"No...you really don't..."Raven said, her usual monotone returning.

"**Yes** we do.."Robin said even more firmly"No matter how dark and depresing your past is...it's **your** past, so we **do** want to know"Robin gave her his most determined look

"Obviously your past is affecting you, and your a vital part of the teem...how do we know you wont pass out in the middle of a battle right when we need you?"Cyborg asked with determination on his face.

"It would be irisponcible of me to allow you to continue on as a titan if you are...unstable..."If she wasn't going to willingly tell them...he could always blackmail her.

Raven looked into Robin eye's, she knew what that look meant, he was willing to go through with it...she always knew she would have to tell them some day...but why this day?

Raven, once again, sighed in defeat"I'll need a cup of herbal tea..."

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Raven was now huddled, with her knees up to her chest in a chair in the corner of the white room, she had decided to tell her story here, after all, her emotions could only kill her here instead of her friends.

Robin, Starfire, and Beastboy all sat in chairs in a semi-circle around Raven, there was one empty chair, it belonged to Cyborg, who was just now returning from the kitchen with Raven's tea. As soon as he handed it off to her he sat down.

Raven took a deep breath to steady herself "Where to begin...well I guess the very begining would be best...my conception..."Raven quickly took a sip from her tea before continuing.

"...I was concieved when a demon named Trigon...well he.."Raven was struggling to find the least startling way of saying this...'Screw it' "He raped my mother..."

The titans looked shocked, Rape? That was how Raven was concieved, this was certainly a big deal that would have affected her a great deal mentaly and emotionally...Plus...Raven was a half demon, that would explain a lot, now that they thought about it...

But the titans also knew that even though Raven's life story started with a rape...it would most likely only get worse.

"Apparently my mother was killed right after I was born by some of my fathers minions" Raven took a deep breath"Actually...she was killed **because** I was born...my father never let a women who gave birth to one of his children live..."

"Apparently...?"Robin asked

"Yea...I never knew my mother...she was killed the day after I was born...I only heard about what my father did to her after I escaped from him..."

Robin nodded in understandment, and Raven continued.

"For the first six years of my life I lived on a remote island that he owned"Raven smirked slightly at her niavity at the time"He treated me like royalty...any thing I wanted I got...and every one else on the island beside's my father himself had to do what ever I said...I was a spoiled brat..."

This was even more surprising for the titans, her past was supposed to be depressing, and she was treated like a princess? And by her evil father no less, this wasn't making a whole lot of sence.

"...Maybe that's why..."Raven's eye's droped and her voice quivered, she took another deep breath and "About a week after my sixth birthday...two men came into my room in the middle of the night...they took me to the basement of my fathers estate, took off all my clothe's and threw me into a very cold, very dark, and very small room."

Raven took a moment to take a sip of her tea to calm her self down 'Not even to the worst parts and I'm already losing it'

"I was scared beyond belief...I had lived a very sheltered life, nothing frightening had ever happened to me before, but I still yelled that"Raven smirked and chuckled at what she was about to say"That my father would rescue me, and have all of them killed slowly for doing this to me...it was then when they told me that they were doing this because my **father** told them to..."

"The first night in that room I didn't sleep, not only because of my father's betrayal, but I was so pampered that I would never be able to fall asleep, naked, on the cold stone floor"

"And then around noon the next day a man opened the door, at first I was happy...I thought I was finally being let go...then he asked me 'Is it true?" I didn't know what he was talking about, so I just stared, it didn't feel right, plus I was naked in front of a man I had never met before...I was in the corner of the room with my knees held tightly to my chest and he just said 'My friends think I'm crazy...that there's no way the king would do this to his own daughter, but I said to them there's nothing that basterd isn't willing to do to any one...and here you are...ripe for the pickings...guess I was right' ...then he started to undress...now I was only six years old, I had no concept of sex...so I also had no concept of rape..."

Raven took this oportunity to gadge the titans reactions...the titans looked at her with pity filled eye's, she hated pity, she didn't need it and it didn't change what had happened to her, so she just took a sip of tea and continued.

"...I was young...and he was rough...so by the time he was done I was in shock...I didn't regain a grasp on reality until after he had already left...it took a minute to remember where I was, or what happened to me...and even longer to notice the pool of blood forming around my crotch..."

Raven intentionally didn't look at her friends, she could almost feel the shock eminating from them...if this was the only time she was going to tell her story...so she didn't want to side step important stuff.

"He came again the next day, and the day after...after about a week other men started to show up too..."

Raven grabbed her knees and held them even more tightly to her chest...these were not her happy memories...and spilling her guts meant having to re-live them...and that was taking it's toll. If it had been anywhere else her powers would have gone out of control...but in here...they were turned inward...the pain was worse then when she had to keep pressure on the cut's Starfire had opened. But she could handle it...she had always had a high pain threshold, that had helped her through some tough time's...

She relaxed somewhat, though the pain didn't stop, and continued her story"By then I was starting to weaken...they weren't feeding me much...just enough that I wouldn't die ...but I was always weak from hunger...after three weeks...well I think it was around three weeks...being kept in a cold lightless room take's away your sence of reality...I had no sence of time..."Raven snapped out of it and returned to her point"After three weeks...or so... I was to weak to put up any real struggle...that made it easier for them...it continued on like that for awile..."

"...It was about the third month that I noticed a man looking in on me...at first I really didn't give him much attention, he looked harmless...innocent, like I had been just months before...after a while I started to fantasize that he was going to rescue me from that horrible dark abyss my life had become..."Raven stoped and smiled to herself"He gave me hope...something I despretly needed..."Raven's smile turned to a frown"But the bad thing about hope...is it can be taken away..."

The expression on Raven's face was unreadible...the closest any of the titans could figure was a mix between anger, disgust and shame.

"...after about a month he finally entered my cell...at first I was sure he was going to save me...but I was wrong...he was not just as bad as the other men but worse...he was the first...the first to cut me..."

Raven closed her eye's and absentmindidly brought her right hand up and started to rub her stomach.

"He used a knife on my ab's the first time...then he raped me...he showed up every day and did the same thing...after him...many men started to cut and burn me..."

Raven sat and contemplated something for a moment, completely disregarding the sarrow filled exprestions on the faces of her friends, a month ago this would have never been a consideration, but she was showing her emotional scars...why not her physical? Why not get **everything** out in the open?

Raven brought her legs down from her chest and reached her hand up to her neck, as she began to take off her leotard.

The titans were to shocked to stop her, she had underwear on...but 'They have to see this...they have to see what they did to me to understand.'

As soon as the leotard started to slip past Raven's shoulder, they stated to see them, by the time her bra was uncovered there mouth's were opened, and by the time her stomach was uncovered, they were in shock, from her shoulders to as far down as they could see (High pubic region) nothing but scars, burns and cuts, thousands of them, some cut's were only the size of a fingernail and had almost completely faded, others were huge slash's that where nearly a foot long and still red...though it looked purple against her skin. From what they could see it also looked as though the cut's continued on under her bra and at least near her pubic area. The scars so completely covered her body that from a distance her skin would look purple.

"My god..."Was all Robin could say.

"This is what they did to me over the course of six year's...this was on top of...and usually during the rapes..." Raven shifted uncomfortably under there gaze...this was the first time she had ever shown any of her scars to anyone...it wasn't as bad as she had thought it would be...but it was still the most embaresing and shameful moment she had expirianced since she had joined the titans.

"Raven...why didn't you show use...?"Cyborg questioned

"Why sould I have is a better question"

Starfire had tears running down her face and Beastboy was still in shock.

"All of the cuts and burns you see are the one's serious enough not to heal...there were more that healed long ago..."She said touching some of her scars absentmindidly, she hated them, not just because they were ugly, she could handle ugly scars...she had givin herself a lot over the years...but the self inflicted scars reminded her of battle's she had won, of time's when she could feel free of her life and rejoyce...but the scars **they** gave her...well the memories they stirred up weren't nearly as happy...they reminded her of battle's she had lost...she hated these scars...and unfortunatly..."They will never fade..."

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Authors Note:Whoa...that was the hardest chapter to write **ever**...even after my second edit it still looked clunky...well I edited it again and again, so hopefully it finally looks presentible. You have to under stand my frustration...this is the climax of the story...this was what I've been waiting to write since befor I started writing this story and it's gotta' be the hardest thing to write ever, I mean it, even just to have it so it wasn't Raven constantly talking was a mountain of work...

Well only one more chapter left, it will have the end of Raven's story and ...well the end of mine:) But to those of you who like this story be happy, because there **will be a sequel**

Well, more of a second part...and i'm taking a trip over summer vacation so I wont be able to post it till I get back...but I will have a labtop with me so I can still write, Yay!

As an added bonus at the end of this story there will a list of...well, when I come up with an idea for a fanfic. I write it down in file so I can make the story later...and since I'll have all summer to write I'll post my idea's straight from the file(slightly altered so it won't give away the ending) and you can all vote on the top three you want to see, now two thing's to remember. One, I have another story going right now (First Love Lost, it's a Terra/Raven Yuri)it's not done...and unfortunatly it wont be by the time I go on my trip, so I already have the sequel to this store and that one to write...so no garrenty that I will actually get around to writing those one's you choose right away...but I will eventually. And the second thing is, please remember that originally they were just reminders to myself...so there not real good summeries.

So be sure to vote at the end of next chapter. And as always, please Review:)


	7. Easy

**Bad Memories**

**Chapter 7:Easy**

First off I want to apologize for to the people who reviewed over the weekend, my internet went down while I was at school on Friday, so I couldn't read your reviews untill Monday. My internet was still down till Tuesday so I had to take chapter six to school on a floppy disc to load it from a school computer, though I read your reviews and did respond, my responces were (For them) shorter that usual. I usualy try to make my responce longer than the review. But no worries my internet is up again...to bad I wont be here to use it :(

My heart actually stopped. No not death, I know most of you probably don't care but when I was about an hour of writting away from finishing this chapter, I did some stuff on my computer...anyway I had this open and my computer locked up and I had to restart. Now I have all my story files in a specific order on my desktop and when the PC is turned off they shuffle, but I never turn my computer off so I completely forgot. So when I started it up again this file wasn't where it should be...and my heart actually stoped...I was so afraid it was deleted...then I looked in the "Recent Documents" thing and I saw it, after that I found it on my desktop, but for a moment, I thought I was going to have to tell you to wait till next year 00

**BlackDove682:**Another positive review from my favorite reviewer. I'm glad you injoyed it, and I'm glad you didn't think it was clunky...this chapter has the same problem though...at least for most of it. I saw your review for my other story, it's to bad you don't like yuri's, though I do understand...unfortunatly it get's a little less dark and a little more yuri later on. And unfortunatly I don't think I have the time to write even one more chapter for it 'till September. Funny thing I was actually on my hotmail accout when the review alert for your review arrived, I was just deleting some junk mail and _poof_ it came out of no where:) I hope you injoy this chapter...check out the dedication...

**Poisyn:**That sucks about being cut out(I wonder why it happened), you can e-mail the M.P.S. stuff anytime, I might use it in another story.(It's unfortunatly to late for this story) Second off ...I'm reluctant to ask this because It will seem somewhat perverted...but what the hell. Did I read that right? 'haven't seen many'? as in there are actually American comics with a Starfire naked...? I must admit, this still has me somewhat baffled. Why would they put in nude drawings of an underage girl into a comic for teenagers? And this was in the 80's wasn't it, that would have been **very** taboo back then. Sorry, I don't mean to obsess over it...but like I said I'm just wondering. This also raises a question I thought of before, how are drawings affected by child pornography laws? Is a drawing of a naked minor considered child porn? I know this is a very...strange and disturbing subject line that has very little to do with your review, but one day I was on the internet, and I was bored...so I started looking for...some 'Hard to find ' stuff, Ok ok I was looking for fake naked drawings of Videl from Dragon Ball Z (What can I say she's hot and I have to keep my womanly lust under control somehow) Anyway in my search I found many things, like faked nudes of that pink haired girl from 'Sailor Moon" (I don't watch that show so I don't know her name) But she's like nine! Isn't that illegal! Anyway I'm really sorry for putting such along off topic rant in your responce, but I've been wondering this for awile. So get back to me on that M.P.S. and Starfire stuff, I hope to hear from you again:)

**Lost1n7heDark:**I'm with you, I consider my self very open minded, I can understand why people do alot of things...but rape...that is just completely...I can't even think of a word! That's how strongly I feel about it...it's a tragedy whenever it happens...But like any other tragedy...it can be taken advantage of for entertainment (Isn't that the basic outline of weastern capitilism?)...I would **never, ever** exploit an actual rape, but a fictional event...make's for a very dramatic story...and helps deal with my frustation (Writting is very theriputic). Good to hear from you again! Hope you like the finale:)

**kittykat:**Yup, but it wont be out 'till around school time when I get back.

**Me:**Yea! Another glowing review. I thank you for your complements, they mean alot, here's your new chapter.

**Chibi Lauryn:**Yea, I like it when they find out stuff to... The stuff is dark and depresing, but even more so when she tells her friends about it:)

**Kataphraktoi887:**That's alot of quote's...not that I'm complaining. I'm still not sure on the hole 'black soul' thing...I didn't mean she was evil, it's just she says her magic requires a part of her soul...and all her magic is black...you might be right though.Thanx for the info on the slavery thing, I would still like more details but every bit counts.

**Angel Caida:**Yay a new friend!;)

**um i like pie:**As long as it's dark, disturbing and depresing...then I don't care if it's weird.:)

**hermionegrnger22491:**Why thank you, I'll be sure to check out your story:)

**Graciously Taken (Chapter 1 Review):** Sorry about that, the site took it off but I actually wrote on the last chapter so I'm posting it here(You didn't have an e-mail on your profile). I'll write it on my profile and I'll write it here again with spaces between all the leters…the site is w w w . s e l f – I n j u r y . n e t (There's a dash between self and injury, I'm saying this incase this website doesn't show it) it's a great website, it has just about everything. Like I said in the last Chapter they have an artwork section with some very good work, though to warn you some are **very** graphic. They also have a short story section and a very helpfull forum (But like I said to join you have to wait awile) and a chat room.It even has a list of fictional books on cutting (Like 'Cut' by Patricia McCormick) they also have alot of books to help you to quit. It's a very good site and I recomend it:)

**Graciously Taken (Chapter 6 Review):**Thank you very much for both the complements and for being so open with your story. Unfortunatley I'm pretty sure I'm nowhere near ready to stop...

TheSilverChakra:Glad you injoyed…and yea, it is really intense…. 

Authors Note:Wow, it's finally here, the last chapter...I was afraid I couldn't get it out before my trip, but I did, Yay! There is going to be a sequel, I'll write it on my labtop and start posting in September...I know, I know, it's a long time but by patient.

Yay! 'The End' was absolutley increadible!(At least the first part), I live in Canada so I got to watch the first part on Wednesday and on Thursday the second part is on tonight! Obviously me being a huge Raven fan(She's the only reason I watch the show)has made this my fav. season. I mean "Nevermore" was a good episode, and "Spellbound" had it's moments...and even one's like "How long is forever" there was that increadibly dark and dramatic moment where Raven was in the rundown asylum hospital place...that surprised me with how dark it was (I loved it!) and "Switched" had it's moment's too, though I would have injoyed it more if there voice's had stayed with there bodies instead of there souls...I mean wouldn't you just love too hear Starfire's voice talking in a dead monotone, or hear Raven's voice super hyper(It would have sounded a lot like Rikku from Final Fantasy, Tara Strong she's the voice of Ravenalso did her...) but I mean this season was great! "Birthmark" was good and "Prophecy" was absolutly superb! and "The End" is the best episode I've seen yet, but I noticed alot of what happened it the beggining of the first one was almost the exact same as the first bit of "Know what's wrong with Prophecies" by XRR, and...now this is perverted but in a few scene's Raven's breasts are like three time's larger then normal, but the episode also broke the stereotypical "Raven" episode, before this season all her episodes had something to do with her not being able to control her powers...now though...it's all about her past and stuff. I only hope her episodes in the next season are as good.

Do any of you watch Justice League Unlimited? I don't usually watch shows like that, as I said above I only watch Teen Titans because Raven is my fav character **ever**. But I had nothing better to do so I watched an episode...well I guess it would have been a week ago, anyway this clone of Supergirl was leading an army of these wierd mindless supersoilders...but to the point one of the five (They only had five different supersoilders, but had like a hundred copies of each)had the same power as Beastboy, except it was white animals instead of green. Anyone know anything about them?

Anyway on with the story...

**Deadication and thanks:** In this the final chapter of my first 'Real' story I would like to thank all of you who took the time to review, I would especially like to thank those of you who reviewed more then once:) And with that I dedicate this entire fiction to my most loyal reviewer **BlackDove682** who has been with this story since the beggining, so to all who reviewed (Though espesialy BlackDove) Thank You, I only hope that you will injoy the ending enough to read the sequel in September.(It might be a good idea to put me on your author alert list just so you don't forget to read it)

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They were silent...I mean what could they say? One of there best friends had just shown them that her entire upper body(With the exception of her hands, neck, and face) was completely covered in scars...that was something they should have noticed...right? I mean if you live with someone for a couple of years...you should know somthing like this...right?

Raven had since redressed and was looking asthough she had forgotten something..

"Raven...? Are you all right...?"Robin said this as much to hear the answer as to break the akward silence.

"I just...there's something I can't quite...there's something I wanted to tell you... something important..."Raven's brow was ferrowed in deep thought...then her face softened. "Oh...ya..."She said in annoyance...she obviously wished she hadn't remembered.

Raven reached over and took a sip of her tea, which was rapidly cooling off.

"That man...the one that first cut me...he was the who I killed a month and a half ago..."

The titans eye's went wide at this comment, Robin opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by Raven.

"I didn't lie..."Raven said quickly"When you asked me if I knew him...he wasn't familiar...I try not to remember the past...for obvious reasons...so he wasn't on my mind..."

"I only remembered him recently...after a..."Raven stopped "...well, not until awile after..."

Raven ignored the looks she was recieving from her friends and decided to return to her story "And now back to the endless parade of depresion that is my life story..."Raven let a small smirk appear on her face, despite the near crippling depression that was over taking her...the totaly uncharacteristic expressions on her friends face's were giving her a...well, a sadistic satisfaction.

"Now I guess the next big thing to happen would be..."Raven paused as she tryed to think of the next important incident...she had one in mind...but she wanted to delay telling it until it was absolutly necisarry...'Crap'...there was only one thing, and it wouldn't last long...

"At this point certain things...less obvious things were starting to get to me...beside's the..."Raven paused "...the constant rape, and torture...the sureal feel everything had because I hadn't left the room since I was put into it, that was all constant...but a new thing was really starting to bug me...I was filthy...and I don't just mean emotionally, I mean physically too...I had been in a room that wasn't clean at all, and I hadn't been alowed to clean my self off in anyway...the only thing in the room after all was a small hole for me to use as a bathroom..."

Raven paused a moment and contemplated how to word this next part...though she ended up talking before she had decided on anything "The dirt from the room...added with years...well I'm assuming years of sweat, other forms of filth and..."

Raven held her mouth open for a moment as if on the verge of speaking, then she closed it, and then opened it again.

"Raven?"Robin asked"What's wrong?"

"I'm trying to think of the least...shocking way of saying this..."She replied

"Just come out and say it..."Beastboy said"After all the stuff you already told us...I think you can be frank with us..."

"You want me to sugar coat this stuff...believe me.."Raven said this in a slightly condesending tone, this prompted Cyborg

"Don't think we won't understand Rea...we all have had bad stuff happen to us at some time or another...(AN:There's a little bit for you Poisyn)...nothing near as bad as you...but you shouldn't underestimate us..."

Oh, boy did Raven looked angry...then she just smiled smugly "So you wan't absolutley no suger coating for the rest of my story?"

The titans all nodded in agreement, though obviously thrown off my her smile.

"Ok, where were we..."Raven pondered for a moment, she still had the smile"Ah, yes...the filth, I already mentioned the dirt and the sweat ond the other things that had built up over the years, the next part was..."The same part of Raven that derived the sadistic sadisfaction from there shocked faces before was practicle giddy at the thought of there reactions to Raven's story, uncensored, especially **this** piticular part "Some of the men when they were done raping me wouldn't ejaculate inside of me...instead they would pull out and come on me, usualy on my stomach, breasts, or face...some men specifically turned me around so all of there cum would land in my hair...I could at least wipe it away if it was on my body, but in my hair...well, without a shower, it was there to stay..."

That evil part of Raven was laughing inside her head as the facial expressions on her friends face's told her that if Slade himself walked into the room and asked Cyborg to marry him, even that wouldn't snap them out of the state of shock they were in.

Raven couldn't help it, a small grin appeared on her face"See, I told you"

The titans all snaped out of whatever trance they were in, but were still at a lost for words.

Raven was upset about this, she didn't have anything else to stall with, so if they didn't say anything...she would have to tell them.

_Sigh_ "Stuff like that continued on for quite awile, much later, a couple of years later, a teenager started watching me...now I can now safely assume, from how long it was 'till and how long it was 'till I left that I was somewhere around nine or ten years old, he was 14...I was scared...the last man who had only watched me ended up doing worse stuff to me then anyone before him..."

At this point Raven brought her knees up to her chest again and hugged them tight.

"...He didn't do anything at first...so I tryed to ignore him...it was around now that some of the men started to try to make conversation with me...after awile I started to use them...some of the men wanted to feel like we were in a..."Raven scoweled"...a relationship with me..."

Raven relaxed visibly and smiled slightley "So I started to use them"

"I got alot out of them...not just information, but some started to feel guilty" Raven looked disgusted, then she smiled and said "so they started to do nice things, small stuff that my father wouldn't hear about...like bringing me food...not much, but for the first time since I was thrown in to that hell hole I wasn't having to suffer through constant hunger pains...so now I could concetrate on the constant rape, beatings and torture.."

"...But one of the best things I got from the men was a tidbit of information.."Raven's face softened and filled with emotions that the titans couldn't identify" ...that info was that the teenager that was constantly trying to sneek a peek at me...he was my half brother..."

The titans were shocked, Raven had a half brother? Why wasn't he treated as horribly as she was? And how was this the best bit of info she got?

It was now that they noticed that Raven was shuddering.

"Raven? Is everything alright?Cyborg asked in a sympatietic tone

Raven was obviously still in her head because she snaped out of her glazed over look and looked at Cyborg suddenly "It was the best thing I could do...and I stand by it..."

"What?"Cyborg said in surprise, 'That made, absolutly, no sense...'

Raven realized what she had just said and backpeddled a bit "Apperantly he was being treated like I used to be...there was only one thing he couldn't have...me"

The titans were shocked but Raven ignored them and continued "And like most men he wanted the one thing he couldn't have..."

By now all the titans eye's were wide, 'He wanted to have sex with his half sister? That's just sick!'Robin thought in disgust, the rest of the titans were having similar thoughts.

"...so, I did the smartest thing I could do in that situation..."With that the titans could finaly decypher her facial expresion, it was shame and disgust.

"...Raven...what did you do...?"Robin asked cautiously

Raven smiled weakly, though the titans could see she looked to be on the verge of vomiting "...I...I seduced him..."

Robin was the first to regain a sence of reality...after about 45 seconds "You what!"

"I stand by my choice!"Raven said defencivly "I was able to use him, because of him I was alowed things the other men would get in trouble for giving me...like a blanket and pillow...I also got more food...and it was just **one** other man...not a big deal"

"He was your brother!"Robin almost yelled at her "That's incest! It's not only beyond gross it's also illegal!"

"You can't understand how it was for me!"Raven shouted as she stood up, she had been on the edge of losing control since she started...now though any semblence of control she had was gone. Had it been in any other room the building would have blown up, but in this room...Raven felt asthough her insides were on fire, like her digestive system was disolving in acid, but she didn't notice, she was to busy yelling as all her anger boiled to the surface.

"You have **no **idea what it was like! I was **tortured** and treated as a **sex** **slave**! I was regarded as a **thing** throughout my entire **childhood**!This lasted for **six** years!"

It was now that Raven started to feel the pain, but it was nowhere near enough to stop her

"And it was getting **worse**! Every time a man tortured me, he pushed me a little farther! The previous month had the first time I was **gang raped**! And it had happend at least once a week since!"

Raven calmed down slightly and looked at the shocked expresions on the faces of her friends, she continued, but she was no longer shouting, although her voice was still firm.

"It was the **only **way I could get anything. Look at it my way, all that terrible stuff is happening on a daily basis...and all I had to do was willingly have sex with **one** person, and I would start to recieve some of the things I needed...it just so happened that that one person happened to have the same blood flowing through his viens..."

"Did I want to do it? No. Did I enjoy it in **any** way? No. Would I do it again if I was in the same situation? In an instant..."She looked at the face's of her friends and almost fell into the chair, the pain had finaly caught up with her. On the upside she had her emotions under control(Well as under control as she could without drinking or cutting) so all the pain was just left over from before, and it was disipating now.

Robin was the first to talk, he wanted to reafirm his belief "But for a pillow and blanket? Was it really worth it?"He made sure his voice was soft, as to not send her into another rage.

"The room I was in was very cold...to cold for me to actually fall asleep...I just kind of passed out once every four of five days when my body couldn't handle it anymore...with even just the blanket I was able to actually sleep for the first time since I was in the room..."

Raven looked Robin firmly in the eye's "I did what I had to...the lack of sleep was affecting me physicaly...I did what I needed to do in order to survive...well mentaly at least..."

"What does that mean?"Starfire asked quickly

Raven looked down in shame "...do you really think I would try to stay alive through that hell?"

She looked up in one of the most sarrowful looks they had ever seen "...unfortunatly I didn't have the streagth..."

"What are you trying to say?"Robin asked with his brow ferrowed

"...you know what I meant...I was in hell...so I tryed to kill my self"As she spoke Raven brought her knees back to her chest and once again hugged them close.

"You said you didn't even have the streagth for that...?"Robin asked"But comiting suicide is the weakest thing a person can do.."

Raven glared at Robin before answering"I meant I wasn't physicaly strong enough...I didn't have anything to end my life with...I don't think there has ever been a gun on the island, the only time anysharp objects were in the room they were not being used by me and they didn't exactly leave lethal doses of pills lying around...and because of my deminished streagth I couldn't just run head first into a wall repeatidly...so I just stoped eating...that wasn't a big stretch...but they noticed..."

Raven looked at her friends"You still want me to not suger coat it?"

The titans all nodded in affermation, though rather sheepisly.

"When they noticed they force fed me...but I threw it up...and they shoved it down my throat again...it was so putrid that I never attempted it again..."

All the titans looked at her as if she was insane, Raven just sighed

"Listen that's really about the end of my story..."Raven said this looking completely worn out, recounting her past had taken quite the toll on her.

"What! That's the end?"Robin said in disbelief "But..."He thought for a moment "You said you were there for six years starting when you were six..."

'Wow, he was paying really close attention'Raven thought slightly impressed, Robin had always been her closest intellectual competition.

"...but your story stoped two years early...and you never told us how you escaped.."

"Well unless you want to hear every detail of the rapes and torture...there's really nothing left to say...I told you really everything of importance..."

"And how did you escape...?"Starfire asked before Robin could

Raven once again sighed"One night three or four men came into my cell...at first I thought it was just a gang raping...then I noticed they had baseball bats...they beat me for nearly an hour and a half, untill I was almost dead...I'm pretty sure they thought I was dead...if I could have I would have shown them I was still alive so they would finish me off...but I couldn't move at all... so they picked me up and took me out of the room, to the morgue I thought...instead they took me outside and threw me off a cliff into the ocean..."

Raven skrunched up her face as if she were trying to remember something "I remember only flashes for awile...I remember alot of water...then looking up at the sun from what I was later told was a beach...I remember the paramedics asking someone nearby 'What the hell happened to her' and then I woke up at a hospital...I was really groggy and out of it for the first week because of the painkillers and the anti-bacterial medicin they were giving me"

"Everyone in the hospital was so nice to me...they felt sorry for me...I must have had every cop in the city come by to wish me a speedy recovery...and to ask if I had remembered anything yet..."

Raven looked up and saw the questioning looks on her friends face's, it took a moment to deduce why "...Oh, I had amnesia for almost a month after I was fished out of the water.."

"The staff never got a chance to hear my story...after they lowered the amount of drugs they were giving me I...well I discovered my powers...I discovered them when stuff started to blow up everytime I...well just about everytime I thought...I had no control over my emotions...it scared the shit out of me..."

Raven looked up to her friends, she could see the wheels turning, they all must have been wondering why she hadn't used her powers to escape.

"...I got my powers from my father...and also from what he did to me...the abuse...it awakened a part of my brain that was not meant to be awakened...it would have happened earlier but that island he kept me on had such a strong demonic aura that none of my powers worked..."

Raven reached over to her tea and brought it to her lips'Cold...dammit'she thought bitterly.

"I ran away away from the hospital when I accidentaly knocked out a really nice nurse with my powers...when I ran away...well it wasn't long before I started to cut...I had not, in memory at least, gone a day without being hurt...I had, without my noticing it, started to believe I diserved it...that I must have done some terrible thing that I couldn't remember and they were punishing me--"

Raven was cut off by an enraged Starfire "Unacceptible! Why I do not believe for a **second** you could do anything bad...**Nothing! Nothing **you could ever have done would warent such brutal and...and..."Starfire was struggling to find a word"...and just plain **not nice** behavior!"

Raven smiled at Starfire, her niave nature was a welcome interuption from her story.

"I know...I kind of realized that..."Raven thought for moment "Well I realised it soon after...but the cutting kept me calm...I hadn't learned to meditate yet...so this was the only thing I could do...until...untill I started drinking...it too numbed the pain...after I learned to meditate I didn't do it as much, but...cutting has always been a fail safe if I couldn't control myself with meditation...drinking has been a constant thing to keep me numbed enough that I have a chance to control myself...after I killed that man was the first time I ever in four years increased how much I drank..."

Raven sighed, she was exhausted...but that was all of it that they needed to know, the only thing she had to worry about were there questions...(AN:Ok I know she just got out of bed like a couple of hours ago...but work with me here!)

"Raven...?"Robin said in a soft voice "You can go back to sleep now"

Raven was surprised "Your not going to ask me any questions?"

"This is...well it's alot to take in...you can sleep, and we can think...tomarrow you can answer...ok?"Robin asked in a somewhat distant voice, he was lost in thought."We can also talk about your...coping methods...there are better ways then cutting and drinking.."

"Fine, sure, whatever you say"Raven said as she walked out of the comfort of the white containment cell, she was just happy they were going to let her sleep first, she would have gone faster if not for two reasons. First, she was so tierd that if she tryed to run she would pass out from exhaustion after two feet. Second, she was still in a **lot** of pain and it hurt enough to breath much less walk, and she couldn't imagine how much it would hurt to run, she shuddered at the thought.

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Raven walked into the main room, and was pleasently surprised to find the rest of the titans waiting for her on the couch instead of the kitchen table.

"Sleep well?"Robin asked upon observing that she had entered the room.

"No, not even close"Raven said grimly "All that 'reminising' stirred up a lot of nightmare's, and I was to tierd to cut...so I was the worst sleep I've had since I was in that room..."

The titans looked discouraged by this, when they saw Raven's questioning expession Beastboy explained.

"We were...uh...kinda hoping that now that you've gotten that stuff of your chest you would be...ya know...free, from your past...quess not..."Beastboy frowned as he finished.

"Sorry, my past wont just dissipear because you all know about it..."

"Raven?"Robin looked very serious "What about the drinking and cutting...?"

"What about it?"Raven was surprised he even asked, they knew the reason for why she did it, did they think it wasn't reason enough?

"I mean are you going to continue?"Robins face showed worry, though Raven was much to sleepy to notice

Raven looked at him like it was the stupidist question in the history of the world "Of course..."She said it as if it were so obvious he would have to be an idiot to think anything else.

Robin's face fell, as did the other titans."Your not stoping!"Robin asked in disbelief

Raven once again looked at him as if he were stupid "You know what happened to me...you know my emotions drive my powers...unless you want to have the tower blown up, continuing is the only way..."

"That doesn't change what your doing...your still consuming dangerous levels of alcohol, **illegaly **I might add...and then there's the cutting...what if you go to far?"Robin wasn't letting this go "From what we saw from the camera...you were pretty close to causing serious, irriversible damage to your self...that second cut you gave your self will take a **very** long time to heal...how long do you think it will be till the blood loss is to much for your body to handle...?"

"It's not...I mean I'm not going to kill myself or anything..."Raven was having a hard enough time without her friends telling her her only way of living was killing her, Raven wasn't stupid, she had known since she had started that it would kill her long before old age...but what's the point of living to old age if you have to have Valium pumped into your viens to keep you safe...

"It's the only way..."Raven responded in only a whisper

"No, it's not..."Starfire responded in the same tone "There are ways to overcome your past...you are stronger than it friend.."

Raven was quickly becoming angry, if it were so easy she would have stopped years ago..."What could you hope to do?"Anger tinged her voice, and the titans noticed "You know nothing about rehabilitating me to stop me from drinking, and you know even less about cutting!"

"We know..."Beastboy admitted"But we came perpaired"He ended with a smile as Cyborg walked up to her holding a broachur.

"What is this?"Raven asked as she took it from him.

"It's for a top notch rehab. clinic...out of the city of course...so no one there knows your identity...unless you want them to..."Robin said all this with a slightly hopeful tone in his voice.

"Your ditching me!"Raven shouted in anger.

"No!"Robin said quickly"We...just want to help..."

"Well I'm not going!"Raven said, anger still consuming her"And you can't make me!"

The titans looked at each other. "...How about we make a deal?"Robin said somewhat reluctantly

"What kind of deal"Raven was suspicious, but she had to ask

"If you continue, and are not negativly affected...I will let you be, and I swear, we will not interfere...but, if you show negitive signs...such as a drunken stuper, or a hangover. Or if you are no longer able to fight because of the self inflicted wounds on your arms, or something to do with blood loss...if anything like that happends...then you have to go to the clinic, and voluntairily aswell...no argument...Well?"

Raven wieghed her options...what did she have to lose? All she had to do is keep it undercontrol, that's what she had been doing since before she joined the titans. She wouldn't be stupid enough to be caught.

"...Sure...why not...?"Raven said this in a surprisingly light voice

"Do you promise?"Cyborg asked, he, like the other titans was thrown off by her attitude 'Could she really believe she could keep it under control?'

"Promise..."Raven had a small, but unmistakiblr smug smirk on her face 'Jackpot'

"But you have to keep up your end of it, if I can function normally...you can't make me go"

The titans all nodded in agreement.

"Good, then we have a deal"Raven's smile was now no longer as smug and more just a contentment 'Control my drinking...and my cutting?'

"This is gonna be easy"

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Well boy was I wrong! I said the last chapter was the hardest to write...this was **much** harder!

I hope you enjoyed it, to give you an idea of what will happen in the sequel, Raven will slip and be sent to the clinic, that will be in the prolog and in the rest of the story she'll be in the clinic. It will be lightly based on 'Cut' By Patricia McCormick.

Now I was going to tak on the idea file so you could vote...but it was to long, so I made it another chapter. So be sure to vote, your vote's will after all determine in what order I write my stories, so at least check it out. I'll still be able to read your review's on my trip, public computers after all, do have internet (Though unfortunatly they dont have disc drive's so I can't uplaod my stories...bummer)


	8. Ideas

**Idea Page**

**You must read this to understand!**

Authors Note:Well this is how this going to work. Every story idea has three parts. First is a quick authors note on some of the important points of the story. The third part is the summery. And the second part is probably the most important, every story is just in a ruff idea mode, so just about anything in it can be changed, I welcome you to give your own variations on the story's you vote for, but the second part shows the bare bones idea I had to start the story, and that part cannot be changed. To vote just put the numbers that are next to your three favorite idea's in a review, you can put any changes you think should happen next to the number. The more vote's a story get's the faster I'll start it.

But another thing to keep in mind is that these are written...well basicly just to remind me of the story, so they are very ruff. I copied them...more or less exactly from the 'Ideas' file on me computer, the only thing I changed was a few bit's that gave away the endings

Quick Note:The idea's get beter as you go down the list

Quick note 2: I'm **very very** rushed as I do this so please excuse any spelling, or grammer errors. or anythingg else I scewed up because I went to fast.

1.This was my first dark yuri story It was also the first idea I had for Raven cutting..

Raven and Starfire are in a relationship. And Raven cuts herself. Plus thay have to eventually leave.

Starfire and Raven are in a relationship, Raven cuts herself, Star knows but knowing why, doesn't try to stop her, the other titans find out,(Choice: Raven is so afraid of there reaction she leaves before they confront her OR they adimently are against one part of the equation, the lesbian relationship or the cutting), eather way they tell her (Or them, as the case may be) to stop it immediatly, she(or they) refuse, they leave to start a new life.

Note: One part of there whole "Stop being Lesbians" thing could be Robin is in love with Starfire and doesn't want Raven to have her, also Beastboy feels the same, he loves Raven and doesn't want Star to have her.

2.The summery doesn't say this but my original intention was for her to have been an assassin in the past.

Raven having huge amount of physical streagth and martial arts knowlege, plus the titans have to find out sooner or later.

During a fight the villian does something to make Raven lose her powers temporaily ...but using marshal arts she easily defeats him revealing not only that she is skilled but physically stronger than Robin, Beastboy and maybe the others...this raises questions about her past, what else she's been hiding, and what's the limit to what she can do, it also it raises the question 'why hasn't she used them before?'

3.This would be a **very** dramatic fic that would have Raven recounting a bad childhood. She would also look very scared and weak in the tapes

...Just about the entire summery...it's really not that long.

The Titans receive a DVD recording tape containing Raven in a mental hospital. It goes through her therapy sessions she had while she was institutionalized in her eairly teens. very dramatic and dark.

4.She would be like the second or third in command of an ultra elite organization that would be one hell of a crossover. I was thinking of having like Rayne from the BloodRayne video game, and Kirika Yamora from Noir, and the major from Ghost In The Shell in it. They would all be female, and Raven would probably have a girlfriend in there somewhere.

Again not much could be changed, maybe how the titans find out.

Raven is high ranking member of secret powerful society. She is called in for a very important meeting, and the titans watch the whole thing through a hidden camera in her brouch.

5.I thought of this after playing BloodRayne for the second time, and then I watched "Prophecy" on TV...i thought 'Perfect Match'

Her relationship with Rayne could be changed, but they have to at least be good friends. Also, how dark Raven's past is, could be anything you want it to be.

BloodRayne crossover centered around Raven and Rayne's hate of there fathers, relationship unknown, probaly sexual and monogamus, will probaly reveal that raven has killed many people some inicent

6.I just thought of this after reading like four one shots where Raven killed herself and I thought "Wouldn't it be great to have the drama of a full suicide and still have her in the story?"

Again, the summeries are still pretty short so...I quess that thing about her emotions. Or maybe she could kill herself right after "Birthmark" to try to save the world, and then like God sends her back because her father would rise any way and she's the only one that can stop him...see this is how you can change it...use your imagination.

Raven kills her self to get rid of the deprission, she comes back to life, possbly without a need to control her emotions.

7.This actually has the first chapter half written and believe me, it's a lot darker and better then it sounds.

Sorry already started it so nothing can be changed

Raven was raped by her father and gave birth, he stole the baby and Raven joined the TT to use there resources to look for her, but the titans don't know.

8.I can't really say anything about this or I'l give something away.

The sneak attack. Them being seperated and Starfire's POV. Other than that it's up to you.

When a sneak attack throws the world into chaos, the titans are seperated, Starfire's POV as she search's the ruins of the world, finding the few surviving humans, and eventually Robin, Cyborg and Beastboy, each doing what they can to help those who survived and building a resistance, they all join up to help find the other titans, but when only Raven is left, one of there spy's says he over heard a conversation that tells him that "the one who caused all this destruction is going to arrive at a castle that demons just finished" they call off there search and attack.

9.This was spun off of no. 3

How they meet the girl. Raven remembering her and saving her.

During a battle the villian resorts to taking a hostage to save himself, but Raven recognizes the girl as one she was once in a mental institution with and summonds up power the titans have never seen her with before(Without going dark)and she save's the girl by almost killing the man, the girl comes to live with the titans where at first they learn that she has mental problems, then eventually Raven tells them where they met, then later her own dark past.

10.I thought of this when I was half asleep...

The change in the time line. Raven loving this female titan. And her coming back...Sorry none of that can be changed.

Change so that when the titans started off it was only Cyborg, Robin and Raven, then Starfire came 8 month later then Beastboy came 8 months after that. Something triggers Starfire to beleave there was a titan before her, she asks Beastboy and together they find out that there was one, she died (She'd come out and say 'Sorry amnesia') or she just disipeared, this affected all the titans greatly, but Raven more so. Raven and this female titan were in love. Then they confront Raven, she tells them every thing aand then the mystery girl shows up.

11.I actually started writting this and got stuck...though I'd be more then happy to give it another shot if it gets enough vote's.

The entire summery is ironclad...but you could mess with how they react.

Raven and jinx have been in a secret relationship for six months, they decide to tell the titans.

12. I actually have had this idea for a long time...it just took me along time to remember to put it in the idea file.

The titans leaving for a long time then returning to find the city in less then perfect status. The sobbing angry girl wwho is in a relationship with Raven. Raven's mind is slipping.

The titans minus Raven get sucked into a dimension where they are in a perpetual state of bliss, they all realize that Raven was not taken in but figure, selfishly, it's not there problem. When they finally return, the tower is destroyed, and parts of the city are in ruins, the titans ask a near by policeman what happened to Raven and are surprised to learn that she is still fighting, as they talk about what they where doing all this time, they notice a teen-age girl watching with a great deal of hate on her face, she ends up attacking them yelling'You selfish bastered! You did this to her!You made her suffer for your own pleasure', but she has no powers so they easily defeat her, she explains that after they left Raven tried to defend the city on her own, it worked for awile, but one day she was captured and raped, she escaped when her powers went out of control, she regained control but still killed the rapists. Since then her mind started slipping and she got a reputation for losing her cool in battles with robbers and she would kill them, the girl then reveals that she's been helping Raven for awile, and that they are in fact, dating.

She explains that it's not like they go out to a movie and a dinner, but that they care for each other very much, but as was said ealier, Ravens mind is slipping, all she's been though meens there are times when she is increadibly violent, at this time they notice a few brusies on the girls arm, she explains that Raven sometimes forgets who she (The girlfriend) is and attacks her, she eventually takes them to there hidout, the same abondend mental hospital that she was in in 'How long is forever'

UNTOUCHED---

13.I was surprised when I saw a storry with a similar story pop up awile ago...it's not exaclty like it but the whole abuse daughter thing is pretty distictive.

Okay Raven has to run away. She has to get pregnant and has to have a daughter. She must be an alcoholic, chain smoking adicted(Though whether it's prescription drug she's abusing or strret drugs is up for grabs)And she absolutle must abuse her daughter. Oh and at some point they have to go back to the tower.

Raven ran away because of her powers. She try's to start a new life, she even gets a loving boyfriend, but when she finds out she is pregnant he runs away from her. 17 years later is where the real story starts. Raven is now only a shell of her former self, she's an alcoholic, a chain smoker, and an adict she also abuses her daughter. Something...not really sure what...make's her go back to the titans tower, she also brings her daughter. When she arrive's, Robin and Starfire have a 14 year old daughter and have been engadged for longer then they can remember, and still havin't gotten married, it's taking so long because Starfire is planning it alone so everything will be perfect. Beastboy(Now officially called BB), is in a serious relationship with Terra, who was brought back from stone about six month's after Raven left. Cyborg has been dating Bumblebee on and off for about seven years. The titans are over joyed that Raven has finally come back, they think that the reason why she left has something to do with the fact she has a daughter but they're more then stuned by her appearance and after just an hour they get the impression that a few things may not be quite right. Raven smell's like a bar, like booze and cigarette smoke. Also her daughter is more then just shy, she seems afraid and ashamed. She nearly falls off her chair when Raven calls out here name, she then runs over to one of the box's they brought and bring's over some pill bottle's. After Raven downs the pills she heads for the front door. The titans ask where she's going and she answers, "Outside...I need a smoke...I'm assuming the tower is still a no smoking zone"She continue's when no one answers, they all turn to Raven's frightened daughter and ask how long had she smoked, but the girl just looks away, she's obviously frightened so Robin walks over to her and says"You don't have to be afriad, your safe here"And he reassuraly put's a hand on her right bycep and squeezs lovingly, as soon as he sqeezes though she get's a pained look on her face and brings up her other hand, pushing away Robin's and starts to rub her arm. Robin, getting the idea she has an injury there say's"Sorry, I didn't know...what happened to your arm?"Naobi (The daughter) looks even more scared now and starts with some of the basic"Nothing...I just ran into a door knob...it was my own fault..."After this the rest of the titans are starting to get worried, they've delt with enough abused children and battered women to notice that this girl was showing all the symptoms.

14.This was just a thought I had once.

Raven must have lived on the street for a long time.Something must remind her before something from her past arrives.

Raven is a street rat, she has her powers, but is so afraid of them that she only uses them when she absolutly needs them(Note Raven may or may not have been a prostitute). For a few chapters we fallow this time line then fast forward to when she's living with the titans. There will be some thing important like the anniversary of something to remind her of her time on the streets, then some bad connections will be made.Like some one who saved her life a few time's is involved in a bank robbery. Alternate to the anniversary could be letting a criminal escape because she know's that they will use the money they stole to feed others on the street.

15.I honestly can't remember what inspired this story...it might have something to do with that fic I mentioned

Raven is a half demon. The titans find out and kick her out. Years later they give her a second chance, but she **really** hates them for abandoning her.

Raven is a half demon. She's tryed her entire like to hide it, the titans find out and have similar reaction as to that of the initial one in "Shards Of Hope" except even Starfire feels that way, they kick her out(Being unable to murder there friend when she never did anything wrong) but they give her a warning "If you ever do a crime or use your powers again...we will hunt you down..."The bit about her power's didn't have to be said. Beside's her mother, the titans were the only people Raven had ever trusted, there betrayal (Even though she understood), had made it so she's just focused enough not to have her power's go off, but not enough to actually use them. Then we fast forward to the future, it's been ten years and the titans's(Who's ranks have changed slightly) has all but forgotten about her...when a respected collegue off handedly remarks that his thesis was on demons...they read it, and find much to there horror they find out that not all demons are evil, the reason every one assumes they are is two fold, there genepool did start in hell, and because...most demons now are upstanding citizens that just want to have a normal life, so the only demons anyone ever hears of are the one's trying to do damage. The titans don't entirely believe it, but figure they at least owe her a chance to rejoin the titans. Then we go over to Raven and find her living a pretty petetic life (Note: Raven will have been a prositute for a period of time about a year after being kicked out, if she is still one today is optional, and not likely) she to has almost forgotten about the titans...she only remembers the betrayal...her mind is slowly sliping away from her.

16.This was the second idea I had for a Raven/Jinx fic.

Raven and jinx's relationship must be a secret from the titans.

Raven and Jinx have been secretly dating for a long time. This fic follows them as they try to keep it a secret, and as other s find out

17.Unfortunatly if you haven't beaten the god of war video game this summery wont make much sence. But in the story itself I would give enough info from the game that you would understand everything.

Most of you won't understand this one so don't try to change it.

God Of War cossover. Raven is Kratos's daughter, he wasn't looking when the blade's hit her, or he would have seen that it hit in the back, going all the way through, but it didn't kill her... When he became a god some of it was passed down to her, saving her from dying (Which she was very close to) and giving her immortality. But any immortal on earth who is not a god is a demon. She always knew what her father was as she grew up in the streets of ancient Greece, but she had not been looking either when the blade's hit, so she was under the impretion that her father had killed her intentionally both time's, so she refuses to pray to him, and since that is the only way( beside's being a soilder in a war) that he could ever see her...he still believe's she's dead. Something happends for the titans to see the huge scar, and when asked she tell's them the truth"My father gave it to me..." this surprises the titans, but they decide not to prosue it. But in a battle the titans are about to all be killed and Raven looks up at the sky and yells "God of war, hear my plea! You know who I am! Spare my life, and I will forgive you!" Then Kratos's minions raise from the ground and ruthlessly destroys the offening presance.

18.This was another fic that I had the idea for awile and I just never remembered to put it here. This was inspired by the most depresing fic I have ever read. In a nut shell it was, Raven love's Starfire, she tells Star, star backs away scarred, then theres a battle and star is taken, she shows up saying "I escaped and this has made me realise I love you raven", they have a short but love filled relationship, before star is killed, and then it's revealed that star never escaped from the villan it was just a clone that died and the real strfire doesn't love Raven in the least bit, so Raven grows old alone never knowing love. That was the most depresing fic I ever read.

The whole scepter thing turning her life into hell is not going to change, but what she does is still up to you.

In a fight with Dr. Light, he use's a scepter that he says will send her to hell. But it doesn't do anything. They capture him, and then stuff starts to happen, Raven has been in love with Starfire forever, and for some reason she decides to ask Starfire out...only to be shot down hard, then she starts to developed demon lusts, like for drinking blood and eating human flesh, she also has flash's where she want's to kill her friends, she starts off with easily controling the urge's. But after a couple of weeks she starts to give in, she starts by drinking human blood, then when it escalate's she starts off by killing a street thug. Her friends find out and she goes on the run, after month's of running from her former friends she realises that the scepter the Dr. Light used caused all of this and breaks into the tower. She uses a book in her bookcase to reverse the effects. After everything is sorted out her and Starfire get together and start there life together.


End file.
